


learning to heal

by clericbyers (starkreactor)



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, F/F, F/M, M/M, Mike Wheeler Loves Will Byers, Minor Eleven | Jane Hopper/Maxine "Max" Mayfield, Minor Joyce Byers/Jim "Chief" Hopper, One-sided Joyce Byers/Karen Wheeler, POV Alternating, Sad Mike Wheeler, Will Byers Has Powers, Will Byers Loves Mike Wheeler, by sad i mean he's depressed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-20
Updated: 2019-09-03
Packaged: 2020-09-18 23:00:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 41,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20320939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starkreactor/pseuds/clericbyers
Summary: in which Will comes out, Mike struggles with his self-worth, new wounds bleed, and old ones scar over.





	1. part 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is what I've been affectionately calling the "coming out" au on tumblr haha it's brought by a request for a fic of Will coming out to Joyce and it spun out from there into a solid enough st4 au so! here we are! the bulk of this story is set between Christmas of '86 and January '87.
> 
> [ fyi, it says 12 parts because that's what i have drafted but anything goes u know how it is ]
> 
> [ also: since the first three parts of this au come from prompts (thank you lovely anons for inspiring me), i want to add that if there is a scene you wanna see in this au lemme know bc i am so down to write it out!! ]

It didn’t take long for Joyce to notice that something heavy was consuming Will’s daily thoughts. She knew what every expression that crossed his face looked like and what each twitch of his lips meant, so of course she knew when he wanted to tell her something but couldn’t find the words to express himself. It took almost a month before Will decided to approach Joyce and talk things out on a rare day where El was out with her new friends, but she made sure to remind Will throughout the entire month that if he needed to talk, she would be here for him.

“Mom,” he started hesitantly, fingers fidgeting as he leaned against the kitchen counter. Joyce looked up from her cooking with a soft smile and nodded for him to continue. “I, uh, I need to talk to you.”

“My ears are always open for you,” she replied pleasantly while washing lettuce leaves. “You can tell me what’s wrong.”

Will sighed. “No, it’s nothing _wrong_. Well, I don’t know. Maybe.”

Joyce turned fully to face her son and furrowed her brow. “Is it school? I thought you liked your teachers.”

“I do.” the young teen’s eyes casted downward toward his feet. “I like it here.”

_But here doesn’t have my friends from back home_ echoed wordlessly after Will’s words. Will still called Hawkins home; he probably always would no matter what. Where they lived now was still just “the house” or “our place” to Will, though El had quickly picked up on calling it “home”. She didn’t quite understand at first why Will was so reluctant to call their new place “home,” but she understood enough to not pester him any further after the first two months.

Joyce shook her wet hands and turned fully to face her son. She took a dish towel from the counter and dried her hands carefully as she spoke. “If you have an issue with the students, I don’t mind talking with the principal. I know you high school kids don’t like when your parents step in on your business, but I want you to know I’m here for you.”

“I know that.” Will bit at his bottom lip and looked up to make fleeting eye contact with Joyce. “This isn’t about school though. Not the way you think.”

“Your ominous words aren’t making it very easy to understand what you mean, Will.” Joyce chuckled lightly. “I know you have something on your mind that you wanna share. You can _tell_ me. You know I’ll love you no matter what.”

“Will you though? Will you still love me once you know?”

Joyce blinked at that. Will’s voice was positively shaking and his posture had tightened up immensely. He had his fists clenched tightly at his sides and his eyes were brimming with tears already. Fear took hold of Joyce’s heart in an instant and she quickly made her way to Will’s side, looking up at him as she squeezed his shoulder gently. He looked away from her with a sniffle, bringing a fist up to wipe at his eyes.

“Will, honey, look at me,” Will obeyed though he looked reluctant to do so. “Nothing you can say will make me stop loving you. I _promise_ you that.”

“Even if I tell you I murdered someone?”

Joyce laughed and took a hand up to her son’s face. Will was so _grown_ now; taller than her, lankier than her, so handsome and so lively. Joyce loved him with all she had. “There are stipulations but I _know_ you. I know whatever is eating you from in the inside out is something that I’ll still love about you.”

Will pulled away with a mumble. “I’m not so sure.”

“Will, you can’t assume that I won’t love you when I don’t even know what you’re talking about.”

“Mom,” he croaked as he took a step back. His eyes were watering again and Joyce’s heart broke seeing her son so distraught. “Mom, you’ll _hate_ me. I know you will.”

“You don’t know that.” she retorted firmly, eyes hardened with determination. “Now, talk to me, Will. Let me be your listening ear.”

Will’s green eyes darted toward the kitchen counter where the remains of the dinner Joyce was preparing laid about the surface. His fingers drummed against the counter he was leaning against. It was morse code, something Will and the Party, Mike especially, had taught themselves years ago. Joyce was thankful for it back when the Mind Flayer had possessed Will, but Will was adverse to using it for months afterwards given the dark memories associated with the language. She was surprised to see him tapping out words now but assumed it must be his way of finding comfort now.

“I met someone at school a few months back,” he started carefully, each word sliding off his tongue like he tasted them in his mouth before letting them loose. “This person…this person was new. Not new to the school but…you know back home–I mean, back in Hawkins, everyone is almost exactly the same? Mindless sheep just following the crowd and believing the utter bullshit they’re told to cover up the truth about the labs and the Upside Down.” Will sighed and leaned his head forward. “This person wasn’t like that at all. Not a mindless sheep. It scared me a little.”

“So, this issue is about a student?”

“No, Mom, just…just let me finish, okay?” Will’s voice was wavering again and he squeezed his eyes shut. “This…this person was different and new and I was nervous to even see him in the hallway. But he was nice and generous, too. Helped me get to fourth period when I switched my elective and couldn’t find room 318. Walked with me to gym one day when I was late from class. Sat with me on the empty bleachers after I had a waking nightmare in second period and–,” Will cut himself off with a sharpness. His face was paling and his hands shook in tight fists in front of him. Joyce could see the white indentations left by his nails digging into his palms.

“Will,” she started hesitantly as she stepped toward him with an outreached hand. He scrambled backwards, gasping with a choked back sob as he flinched away from her. It wasn’t a flinch from fright of her touch, it was a flinch from fright of her touching _him_. “Will, sweetie.”

“I _kissed_ him, Mom.” he whispered hoarsely, tears streaming down his face. “I kissed him and he kissed me back and I _liked_ it. I knew I would like the freak I am.”

Joyce didn’t know what to say. She was torn between comforting Will and berating him for referring to himself as a freak. Her heart wanted to comfort him immediately, pull him into a hug and tell him that it’s okay to like kissing. “It’s okay,” she started carefully, wondering if Will would flinch away from her if she reached out again.

“It’s okay?” Will whimpered hesitantly. “It’s–you don’t understand, Mom, I kissed a _boy_. I’m exactly what Dad said I was. I’ve always been this…this _fag_.”

Joyce snapped at that. “Don’t you _dare_ call yourself that ever again, Will Byers.” She stepped toward him and took his face into her hands. “You are _not_ what Lonnie said you are. You are not a freak, fairy, fag, or anything else along those lines. You are Will Byers and I love you no matter who you kiss. I don’t care about that. I never have. All I care about is your happiness.”

“Mom,” he sobbed, bottom lip quivering as tears trickled from his eyes and dripped down Joyce’s hands, “It’s not just that I kissed a boy. I don’t…I don’t like girls.”

Joyce smiled, tears stinging the back of her eyes as she brushed the steady flow of saltiness from Will’s own eyes. “It’s okay that you don’t like girls. I still love you.”

“Even though I’m–,” Will paused for breath and restarted his sentence. “Even though I’m gay?”

“Even though you’re gay.” Joyce whispered back. Tears were dripping down her face as well but they were happy ones. “See, I told you nothing you could say would make me stop loving you.”

Will laughed and then pulled his mom into a hug. “I thought you were going to _hate_ me like Dad did.”

“Never. I’m not like Lonnie. I love you, Will. I love you _so_ much.”

“I love you, too, Mom.”

Joyce pulled back to wipe at Will’s face a little more. He was smiling a bit, just a little twitch of the lips and it pleased her to finally see him happy and not brooding like he had in the past month. “So, is this kid someone you’re interested in?”

Will shook his head. “No, he just reminds me of…” He trailed off and started going pink in the cheeks. Joyce cocked an eyebrow at that.

“Reminds you of who?”

“Ah,” the taller boy started pushing Joyce’s hands off his face and scrubbed at his blotchy skin with the sleeves of his sweater. “It’s nothing.”

“Well, it sure sounds like _something_.” Joyce teased as she nudged his side. “You don’t have to tell me but I want you to know that you can talk to me about things like your crushes. I won’t judge you.”

“Oh, you will judge me for this,” Will snorted sardonically. “It’s a stupid thing you don’t wanna know about.”

Joyce crossed her arms. “A mother learning about her son’s first crush isn’t a stupid thing she doesn’t wanna know about.”

“It’s stupid when I’ve been crushing on him for 10 years now!” It took a moment for Will to realize what exactly he had said and his face flushed beet red. “Oh. That–that wasn’t supposed to come out.”

There was only _one_ person Will had met ten years back. Joyce grinned to herself. “Mike Wheeler? You like Mike?”

“Uh, yeah, kinda.” Will sheepishly rubbed at the back of his head. “Wow, it’s so weird to hear that aloud.”

Joyce rubbed at his arm. “You should say it once.”

“What? No, no, I couldn’t.” Will waved his hands about as he continued to blush. “That makes it more real, way too real.”

“Is it not already real?”

A somewhat dreamy smile took over Will’s lips whether he realized it or not. Joyce’s heart hurt; her son was so obviously in deep for the Wheeler boy. She wondered how she hadn’t noticed it before.

“It’s real.”

“Then saying it changes nothing.”

Will looked off to the side and bit his bottom lip. His cheeks were still rosy red, his ears were pink at the tips, and he was more flustered than when Joyce accidentally walked in on him in the bathroom when he was a kid. “I, uh, yeah. Yeah, I like Mike.” Will’s blush grew more fierce and he hid his face in his hands. “Oh my god, I like Mike.”

Joyce couldn’t help her wide smile and she pulled Will into her arms even though she mostly just pressed her face into his chest. “I’m so happy for you.”

“For what? Having a crush on my best friend?”

“No,” she pulled away to look up into his face, “for being brave enough to admit aloud that you like him. And to be unashamed to care about him as you have for most of your life.”

Will smiled sheepishly. “It’s not pathetic?”

“Not at all,” Joyce wished Will was still short enough for her to kiss his forehead. “In fact, Mike is very lucky to have you liking him so much.”

Will fiddled with his fingers and then let out in one breath, “Yeah, but I’m in love with him.”

Joyce’s smile only grew wider. “He’s even luckier then.” She wiped at her eyes and then leaned back against the counter with a hum. “Do you want to share with me what you love about Mike?”

“What?”

“Is it his eyes?” Joyce turned back to her lettuce leaves and paused dramatically as she brought a hand to her chin to stroke it. “Or is it his nose? He does have an adorable nose scrunch when he’s laughing.”

“I’m not going to gossip with you about my crush!”

“His freckles are a nice feature too, I suppose. I heard from El that he’s a good kisser.”

“_Mom_!”


	2. part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Maybe Joyce was blinded by the thought that Mike was, well, straight and had no interest in Will. Maybe she was like everyone else who hadn’t seen the unique bond built between Mike and Will after all these years. No one else had noticed how different they were with each other, not with well meaning intentions at least. Joyce knew about the bullies, her ex-husband was the biggest offender after all. She knew that what Mike and Will had scared other people, frightened kids into slinging petty insults, but she never looked deeper until now._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> because this story alternates between character's povs, i'll preface in the notes whose pov(s) this update is in
> 
> **POV: Joyce Byers**

Joyce watched Will try to contain his excitement during the long ride to Hawkins, but even if he tried to look bored and disinterested the entire time, she could easily see the anticipation and joy sparkling in his eyes that would never be hidden with a mopey expression. It was their first time back in Hawkins since the move and Will and El had spent the past week in the meantime on and off the phone with Mike in particular to discuss the activities they all would be participating in while the two returned.

Joyce turned to face her son again and reached out a hand to pat his thigh. Will jumped at the contact but then relaxed into it with a small smile sent her way. “Sorry,” he said off-handedly, “it’s just…it’s been a while.”

Joyce nodded in understanding. She missed Hawkins, too, in an abstract sort of way. It was always her home town too, and even though leaving was necessary after everything that happened, she was equally excited to return. Joyce looked up into the rear-view mirror and spotted El sleeping in the back curled up against Jonathan’s shoulder as he also slept as his head lolled side to side with the moving car. A warm smile draped onto Joyce’s lips at the sight, ever so happy that in Hopper’s absence El easily slipped in with the Byers family and found solace in both Jonathan and Will.

When Joyce pulled up into the Wheeler’s driveway, Will practically sprinted out the car toward a figure at the front steps of the house. Joyce sat back and watched as Will embraced the taller boy, both of them swaying as they held onto each other so tightly. She covered her smile with a hand even though no one could see it in the dark. Will still hadn’t bothered to tell Joyce much about his crush on Mike, but she could hear it in the way he talked about the other boy, in how he tensed up when El mentioned something about Mike even if they weren’t together anymore, in how his entire mood grew a little brighter after a call with Mike. It was cute—so adorable, how didn’t she notice before?—and Joyce was overjoyed that she knew who exactly made her son this happy.

Joyce reached back to squeeze Jonathan’s knee and wake him up. He was a little slow to wake but patted El’s hair and helped her out the car alongside him. It took El a moment to realize where they were but once she did, she was also running toward the front and quickly joined the hug that Mike and Will were still ensnared in. Jonathan stayed back with Joyce, leaning against the car after he closed his door shut and watched the kids.

When Nancy made her way outside to the ruckus happening on the porch, Jonathan was quick to leave Joyce’s side and make his over to his girlfriend. Watching everyone reunite made Joyce’s eyes water and she felt a twinge of regret with having moved Will and El away from their friends and loved ones. She made her way to the Wheelers and her kids and took Mike in a hug as well. He was much taller than he was before, at least 6 feet in height yet still as scrawny as before. Well, not as scrawny, he had picked up some muscle around his thighs and biceps which was curious. Joyce wondered if he was doing sports in high school after all.

“Hey, Ms. Byers,” he said happily during the hug. “It’s been a while.”

Joyce pulled away and reached up to pat his face. “You’ve grown up so much already. Your mom must be so proud.”

“All I did was get taller,” Mike laughed and glanced over at Will. The way his eyes lingered over Will’s figure caught Joyce’s attention. Mike looked back up into Will’s eyes and Will’s grin grew wider as he nudged Mike’s shoulder with his own. Mike rolled his eyes. “Also, I got on the track team. Don’t ask how, I still don’t know.”

Will tugged on Mike’s t-shirt sleeve. “You gotta show me your uniform.”

“It looks exactly the same as it did the entire time you lived here!”

“Yeah but it’s _you_ wearing it and that makes it different.”

Mike smirked. “You just wanna see how tight my ass looks in those shorts, huh.”

“Mike!” Will screeched, shoving at his friend as Mike fell into giggles and tried to bat away Will’s hands.

Joyce stifled her own laughter as Will and Mike dissolved into friendly bickering with each other. She turned to El who was watching the two with something tinged with sorrow in her eyes. It left just as quickly when Nancy took her in a hug and soothed the younger girl.

The reunited team made their way inside the house, not wanting to disturb the neighborhood any further given the late hour. Mike was blabbing on about this film study elective he managed to snag for his sophomore year and Joyce’s eyes couldn’t leave Will. She really didn’t mean to, but now that she could watch Will and Mike interact knowing that Will was in love with Mike, she couldn’t look away. Will was always trying to stand a little closer to Mike, eyes darting to his lips every so often as Mike continued on. The tall track runner plopped onto the couch and Will sat down beside him close enough for their thighs to press together. The big kicker was the way Will’s eyes crinkled at the edges when Mike laughed, how a soft smile unknowingly crept onto his lips when Mike spread his gangly legs over Will’s lap and splayed himself over the couch like an octopus as he kept chattering about his politics class.

Joyce knew that the differences in Mike and Will’s interactions compared to a year ago was mostly found in missing each other so deeply. Being touchy was their way of reassuring themselves that the other was real, that it wasn’t a dream and they really were reunited. They were always a handsy duo anyway. She knew this and she understood this, but she couldn’t deny that Will had something _more_ imbedded in every touch, every word, ever glance. Joyce tried to think back to before the move, to check if she was reading more into things just because she knew how her son felt about the other boy.

When Mike got up to get water glasses for everyone, Will caught eye contact with Joyce and she wiggled her eyebrows. Will blushed and tried to hide his reaction by turning to chat with Nancy during Mike’s absence. El joined in the conversation and Joyce didn’t have much to say so she leaned back and watched the three chat like they hadn’t been separated for months. Hearing a noise from behind her, Joyce turned and spotted Mike standing a little ways behind the couch with two glasses in his hand. His eyes were trained on Will, seemingly hazy as he watched Will laugh at a joke El told Nancy. A smile Joyce has always subconsciously dubbed Mike’s Will smile crept onto his lips and it was so sickeningly lovesick Joyce couldn’t believe she hadn’t realized it before.

Maybe she was blinded by the thought that Mike was, well, straight and had no interest in Will. Maybe she was like everyone else who hadn’t seen the unique bond built between Mike and Will after all these years. No one else had noticed how _different_ they were with each other, not with well meaning intentions at least. Joyce knew about the bullies, her ex-husband was the biggest offender after all. She knew that what Mike and Will had scared other people, frightened kids into slinging petty insults, but she never looked deeper until now.

Mike snapped himself out of his stupor and noisily made his way back to the couch where he passed Will his water and ruffled his hair.

“Hey!” Will gruffed as he straightened his hair. “You might be an athlete now and do bro-stuff like hair ruffling and noogies with your boys but I am not a fan of messed up hair.”

“I cannot believe you uttered that sentence in relation to _me_.” Mike takes offense and put a hand to his chest. “I am not an athlete and I do not do ‘bro-stuff’.”

“Alright star runner for the Hawkins High Track and Field Team.”

Mike made a face and Nancy spoke up. “Mike, you _are_ the star of the team this year. There’s no shame in that. It’s amazing that you managed to catch up to the top athletes on the team given your inability to run more than 15 seconds at a time back in middle school.”

He shrugged. “It’s whatever.”

Nancy sighed. “It’s not whatever. I don’t know why you refuse to admit you’re good at something! You haven’t even brought up the screenwriting final in creative writing that you got an A+ on last semester.”

“Nancy, can we not have this conversation tonight? It’s, like, almost 2 am and I’m sure Will, El, and Ms. Byers want to rest.” Mike slid his cup across the table and stood up. He was more closed off, eyes dull with exhaustion and mental irritation. Joyce watched Will stand up as well and grab Mike’s arm with a questioning glance. Mike looked down at Will’s hand and then up into his eyes. “You wanna sleep over like old times?”

“Yeah. Yeah, that’s,” Will turned to Joyce with raised eyebrows. “Can I stay, Mom? I know you already got the motel room for tonight but…”

Joyce watched how Will’s hand started to gently rub Mike’s arm, how Mike started to relax from whatever tension has boiled up inside him from Nancy’s words. She couldn’t bare with separating them again. “You can stay. El can too, if she wants.”

El nodded happily. “I can sleep in the basement like before!”

Mike laughed and sent Will a smile that screamed _thank you_. Will returned the smile with a shy one of his own. Joyce knew she made the right decision then and there with letting Will stay over. She stood and gave Will a hug. “Tell him,” she whispered in the commotion of Mike and Nancy telling Jonathan goodnight.

Will sputtered. “Mom, no. No, I’m not gonna _ruin_ things like that.”

“You won’t.”

Will shook his head with a pitiful smile and squeezed his mom a little tighter. “You don’t know that.”

Joyce didn’t bother saying more as Mike came over to give her a hug goodbye and promise that he’d take good care of Will and El in the meantime. Joyce trusted Mike, she always did, so she knew he meant well. She hoped that he’d speak up about how he felt for Will, if he even _knew_ what he felt in the first place. Mike was usually head on strong when determined but if he had been liking Will for so long already and said nothing, he probably wouldn’t say anything tonight.

The drive to the motel was silent. Jonathan was staring out the window and Joyce wondered why he hadn’t stayed the night as well. At least to spend time with his girlfriend. She voiced her thoughts and Jonathan simply shook his head.

“I don’t want to interrupt the kids or leave you alone here.” The teenager sent Joyce a soft smile. “I don’t mind, really. Don’t worry about it.”

Joyce loved her kids so much, she wondered how she was so lucky to have two amazing sons and El in her life despite all the struggles the family has been through thanks to Lonnie, the Upside Down, and the labs.

The next day started with Joyce driving over to the Wheeler’s residence to have a small breakfast with Karen. She assumed Will and El would be hanging out with the Party most of the day given it was Christmas Eve. It would give Joyce ample time to talk with some of the parents and get the lowdown on activity since she left. When she arrived, Mike and Will were in the garage leaning on their bikes and whispering between themselves. Joyce’s eyes turned up toward the mistletoe sprig that hovered above between them. She wondered if Will or Mike even knew they were standing under it, but they both seemed oblivious to anything but each other.

Mike suddenly laughed loudly and leaned his head back, which caused him to spot the mistletoe above. Will was chuckling himself and didn’t notice the panic that flashed in Mike’s eyes as he realized what their positioning meant. Joyce couldn’t hear what they were saying but Mike motioned upwards while talking and Will looked up with widened eyes and a pink flush to his cheeks. Mike leaned down and pressed his lips to Will’s cheek in a chaste kiss so fast Joyce couldn’t tell if she imagined it or not. Will didn’t look like he was breathing and Mike was fiddling with his fingers before stepping away and grabbing his bike.

Joyce got out the car then and made her way to the boys. Will refused to make eye contact when he said hello and Mike was glancing between the two of them with raised eyebrows. “I’ll, uh, I’m gonna go get a hat for my head. Because it’s cold and snow is a thing.”

Mike was back inside in a blink, leaving a flustered Will along with Joyce. The kid huffed and rubbed against the back of his head. “Uh, what did you see?”

“Only the cheek kiss.” Joyce replied warmly. “Is there more?”

“No! No.” Will blushed more. “Nothing more. I just…I didn’t think he would actually…,” Will ghosted his fingers over where Mike had pressed his lips and blushed even more. “Oh my god, this is _embarrassing_.”

Joyce wanted to pull him into a hug. “It’s adorable, Will. He really cares about you.”

“It’s tradition! Mike would have kissed anyone who stood here. He wouldn’t have done it with me if he knew what you do.” Will deflated pretty quickly after those words. “He was telling me last night about this girl on the cheerleading team who used to tease us when we were younger and now wants to date him since he’s on track.”

“But _is_ he dating her?”

“No.” Will shrugged. “But that doesn’t mean much of anything. He’s still interested.”

“Did he say that?”

Will paused. “Actually, no.” He waved a passing hand. “Doesn’t matter though, it’s not like I have a _chance_. I’ve accepted that.”

Joyce opened her mouth to tell Will to reconsider his options but Mike came bounding into the garage with a beanie on and a homemade scarf around his neck. His nose was pink from the cold but the smile in his eyes when he spotted Will was warm enough to melt snow.

“You don’t have a chance with who? You didn’t tell me you had your eyes on someone.”

Will gave his mom a look and she raised her hands in surrender. “I’ll leave you two boys to your fun. Is your mom up, Mike?”

“Sure is.” Mike nodded toward the door. “She’s in the kitchen right now if you wanna say hello.”

Joyce nodded her goodbye and lingered at the door where she heard Mike start pestering Will about who he liked and why Will hadn’t told him yet. She snorted to herself at the fact that Mike, who was so obviously head over heels for her son, also hadn’t told Will who _he_ liked so really he had no business questioning Will. Will wouldn’t tell him even if it was so obvious that Mike liked him back.

Joyce sighed and shook her head at her son and his crush’s antics. She wasn’t really one for interfering but these two boys were so _oblivious_ and would probably never actual fess up to their love for each other because of the mutual deeply rooted fear that they would lose their best friend if the confession was spoken aloud. Her heart ached for them both, how they each had to keep their affections secret from the world as the world was scared of two boys loving each other as deeply as Mike and Will did. She wished she could pull Mike aside and let him know but it wasn’t her secret to tell.

“Karen,” Joyce called as she waltzed toward the kitchen where the other woman stood scrambling eggs at the stove.

Karen turned and sent Joyce a happy smile. “Joyce! It’s so great to see you. Did the boys leave already?”

“They were on their way out when I arrived,” she replied warmly. “How have you been recently? We haven’t talked in a while, you and I.”

“Oh,” Karen made vague hand motions, “I’ve been okay.” Her eyes darted toward the stairs before turning back to the stove. “Things have been…a little tense though.”

“What happened?”

“Mike is in therapy,” she started lowly, almost as if it was a sin. “Ted wasn’t very happy about spending the money on the sessions or the…the _pills_,” Karen shuddered here, “but Mike really needed it.” She turned to Joyce with tears in her eyes, “I don’t know what happened to him. I feel like I don’t know him anymore. He’s so _traumatized_ and I don’t know what I did. He won’t tell me a thing but I can hear him crying sometimes in the bathroom late at night.” Karen wiped at her eyes. “I just want him to be okay again but I don’t think that’s possible.”

“You did nothing wrong, Karen.” Joyce took the other woman’s hands in her own. “Mike is getting the help he needs and you are an amazing mom for supporting him this way. He’ll open up to you soon. He loves you. He’s just keeping you safe.”

Joyce wished she could tell Karen everything that she had learned in the past three years about the secrets of Hawkins. She wanted to let Karen know what exactly Mike was going through so she could support her son more, but again, it wasn’t her secret to tell.

“Oh,” Karen laughed to herself timidly, “also, Mike doesn’t know this, but Ted and I are thinking about a divorce.”

Joyce’s eyes widened almost comically. “A divorce?”

“Yes. It’s about time really.” She glances at her eggs with a soft smile. “I feel so _trapped_ recently. Nancy helped me realize some things and Holly,” Karen looked back upstairs. “Holly deserves her dad but I can’t keep up this _act_ any longer. Pretending that I’m okay with…with this.”

Karen motioned to the kitchen and then rubbed at her temple. “It’s still a discussion. I don’t know if I’ll go through with it. I don’t think Mike can handle a divorce right now.”

Joyce places a comforting hand on Karen’s shoulder. “Do what is best for you and your kids. I know you love them with all you have. You’ll make the best decision, I know you will.”

Karen sent Joyce a watery smile. “Thank you, Joyce.” She sniffled and then scooped the eggs out onto a plate that she offered to Joyce. “How are things at your new place? Do the kids like it there?”

Joyce took the plate and relayed her experiences out of Hawkins. Karen listened excitedly and asked questions here and there that entertained Joyce throughout the conversation. She missed this easy comradery with Karen, missed chatting with her while Mike and Will took their sweet time packing their bags for a sleepover at the Byers’ house.

“Oh,” Karen interrupted suddenly as she sipped from a coffee cup. “I’ve wanted to ask you something for a while but I could never get the words out.” Joyce nodded for her to continue. “How do you…how do you talk to your son in a way that lets him know it’s okay to be, well, to be _different_?”

“Different how?”

Karen stared into her cup. “Mike is…Mike is on the track team and I hadn’t really noticed at first but when he talks about, well, _boys_, it’s not…it’s not normal.”

“Normal?”

“I mean, no, it’s normal. It’s fine. I’m just…,” Karen sighed heavily. “I think Mike likes boys and I want to ask and let him know it’s okay without being overbearing.”

Joyce blinked and set her plate down carefully. She sat up a little more in her chair and turned to face Karen fully. “I know Mike hasn’t been very open with you, but let him know that you’re always going to love him and support whatever he does in life. Tell him that it’s okay to go against the grain. It’s okay to be himself.”

“Do you think he’ll ever trust me enough to tell me?”

Karen’s voice cracked on the word _trust_ and Joyce wanted to pull her into a hug so bad. “He already does. He’s just scared he might hurt someone he loves if he opens up.”

The young mom smiled to herself. “I just want him to feel safe and happy.”

Joyce nodded in agreement. It’s why she had to move. No one was safe staying in Hawkins anymore.

The two chatted about nothing of much importance for another little while, up until the Party came crashing inside being loud and noisy but happily united. Joyce watched the troop of kids stomp their way through the house toward the living room. Mike was at the door with Will still, dusting off snowflakes from his hair with a grumble. Will was chatting with Lucas still as he stood and let Mike pick at him. Joyce turned to Karen, who was watching the two carefully before turning to lock eyes with Joyce. Joyce nodded once and Karen’s eyes lit up with joy and she turned back to watch her son. Joyce could see in her eyes how much she cared for Mike, she only wished Mike would tell her everything that happened in ‘83, ‘84, and ‘85, everything that was happening still as the Upside Down _still_ existed.

Mike came into the kitchen to make some hot chocolate for everyone and gave his mom a passing kiss on the cheek when she greeted him. He put the kettle on and looked between the two women with a slightly narrowed gaze.

“You two haven’t been conspiring, have you?”

Karen laughed. “No, honey, just catching up on how you boys are doing. Are you feeling well? You’ve taken everything you need?”

Mike quickly glanced at Joyce and then turned back to the kettle. “Yeah, I’m good. Better than good. Really happy actually.” He laughed to himself. “Does Ms. Byers know about me?”

“The therapy,” started Joyce quietly. Mike tensed but nodded. “It’s okay, Mike. Will needed it, too, after his disappearance.”

The tall boy clenched his jaw. “I know. I just…I shouldn’t _need_ it.” His posture slumped dramatically yet he still had his back turned to Joyce and Karen. “I didn’t go through as much.”

“You went through a lot, Mike. Don’t discount your experiences.” Joyce stood up to approach the boy and catch his eye contact. “We all want you to be happy and heal. We love you and support whatever you need.”

Mike’s eyes looked toward his mom. Karen smiled and stood up to join Joyce. “I love you, Mike, please never forget that.”

The teen huffed but gave the two women a watery smile. The kettle started whistling and he started pouring cups of chocolate and some milk and sugar into each one. He paused after the final cup and turned to his mom with tears brimming in his eyes. “Mom, I’m so _sorry_.”

Karen rushed to take him in her arms and cradled his head as he wrapped his arms around her tightly. Joyce smiles to herself and turned to spot Will in the entrance with worry in his eyes. He looked so pained seeing Mike as he was, lips parted as if to speak but unable to find the right words to say.

“Mike,” he whispered as he made his way into the kitchen. The boy turned at the sound of his name and gave Will a half-muttered hello. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m good.” He grabbed a cup and passed it over to Will. Their fingers brushed and Will purposefully let his hand linger a little longer atop Mike’s own. Mike flushed and avoided eye contact as best as possible. “I, uh, that’s for you.”

“Thank you.”

Mike looked up and Joyce turned to Karen with a hidden smile as the two boys shyly smiled at each other. They broke the gaze when Dustin called for them to get their asses back to the couch. Karen waited until the two were gossiping back with the rest of the party before she turned on Joyce.

“Mike and Will?” She sounded so joyous about it.

“Yeah, but I don’t think they know that they like each other.” Joyce sighed. “I hope they manage to realize it before we leave town.”

Karen nodded silently. “Hmm. We could help! Christmas is the perfect romantic holiday anyway.”

“You want to play matchmaker with our sons?”

“Why not? They both deserve to be with someone who makes them as happy as they do.”

It was worth a shot at least.

Joyce spent the rest of the day trying to get Will and Mike to either sit together or end up in a room alone. Karen has sprigs of mistletoe about the house and kept trying to “accidentally” catch the boys under them. The most she got was Dustin and El under the mistletoe in the hallway upstairs, which was adorable in its own right in a way. By the time the rest of the party departed, Karen and Joyce has practically given up on trying to get the two boys to notice what was happening between them.

“Maybe we should switch tactics,” started Karen as she sat on the couch while the boys were upstairs. “They are already so romantic with each other; I never noticed it until now.”

Joyce agreed. “I tried to get Will to tell Mike how he feels but he refuses to believe that Mike likes him back.”

A loud clatter drew the two women from their conversion and they both swiveled to face a gaping Mike Wheeler in the kitchen getting snacks for his sleepover with Will. The twinkling lights of the Christmas tree in the living room danced off his shocked face and colored his skin in rainbow shades of blush.

“Will likes _me_?”

Joyce panicked. “He, uh, he cares for you a lot! You’re his best friend, Mike.”

Mike shook his head and hands. “No, no, wait. You said—you said—,” the boy puts a hand to his head and raises his other hand for pause. “Oh my god, this has to be a cosmic joke. There’s no way possible Will likes _me_. I…I never imagined…”

“So, you do like Will?” Karen quietly questioned in the resounding silence. Another clatter from upstairs pulls in everyone’s attention and they spotted Will at the top of the stairs having dropped his notebooks that scattered down the staircase.

Mike was red in the face at this point and Will seemed frozen in place, unable to keep his eyes off Mike.

“Is she—is Karen right? Do you—,” Will’s voice was cracking at the edges, full of emotion that he had bottled up for years.

“I—yeah. Yeah, she’s right.” He took a few steps closer to the staircase. “I didn’t…I didn’t want to scare you off by telling you though. It’s pathetic kinda. How long it’s been.”

“10 years, right?”

Mike laughed. “Yeah. 10 years.”

Will ran down the stairs and practically launched himself into Mike’s arms. Mike wrapped his arms around his best friend’s waist and tucked his head into his shoulder as they held each other tightly. Joyce couldn’t hear them much—she didn’t want to eavesdrop and their mouths were muffled—but she could hear Will’s strained _I love you so much_ murmured into Mike’s shirt. She felt tears prickling in the back of her eyes seeing her son so happy in the arms of the boy he loves so deeply, finally confessing and obtaining the happiness he deserved.

Karen was crying more openly, one hand to her mouth as her other hand wiped smudged eyeliner from her eyes. Joyce thought about how Karen was in a loveless marriage, how she stuck with it for her kids, and now, she got to see her son, who loved someone he wasn’t supposed to love, who kept this secret to his chest for years always frightened if anyone knew, finally able to hold the person he loved most in his arms and know it was reciprocated.

Joyce took Karen’s hand in her own and squeezed it tightly as they shared comforting looks with each other. Turning back to the boys, Joyce rolled her eyes as she spotted them desperately kissing, mistletoe strung up between them at the base of the staircase.

“It worked,” Karen laughed with a sniffle as Mike and Will pulled from each other. The two boys couldn’t stop smiling, couldn’t stop holding each other, couldn’t stop basking in the love they shared.

Joyce’s heart was so full of love for these two boys, it nearly hurt. She smiled and agreed with Karen full heartedly. “It worked wonderfully.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr: wheelyers


	3. part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Breathe, _Mike remembered his therapist saying when he had an anxiety attack in the very first session where she asked him how he felt powerless about losing his friends._ Breathe, focus on the five seconds you hold in your air, and then let the thoughts flow out of you as you breathe out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **POV: Mike Wheeler**

“We’re gonna hang with the Party tomorrow, yeah?” Mike asked as he searched through his dresser for a too-large t-shirt. It had the Hawkins High mascot on the front and he cringed to himself about being one of those people wearing their high school’s logo.

Will though hummed an affirmation from his perch on Mike’s bed. “Lucas said he’s coming over in the late morning. We’ll bike over and grab Dustin before heading to Max’s place.”

“And from there, we go into town for lunch.” Mike took off his shirt and absentmindedly stretched his arms up. He could feel Will’s gaze on him and he smiled to himself before grabbing a pair of boxers. “I’m gonna shower; feel free to snoop around or whatever.”

“Your room hadn’t changed a bit since I was gone, Mike.” Will scoffed but slipped off the bed as he padded his way to Mike’s side. “I doubt you have something to hide that I need to snoop for.”

Mike froze and really tried his best not to glance over at his desk where his antidepressants and anxiety medications resided. The bottles were in a black bag on his desk hidden away in a corner. There was something about seeing the transparent orange bottles that reminded Mike of his inability to take care of himself without aid and that reminder wasn’t one he wanted to literally see every time he came into his room. He still hadn’t found a way to tell Will about his meds or the therapy or how he heard his parents fighting and a divorce might be down the line. Will had enough issues to deal with anyway. Now that they were boyfriends, it was harder for Mike to keep the secret.

Friends don’t lie. Boyfriends _especially_ shouldn’t lie.

Yet, here Mike was, lying through obfuscation. Never saying exactly what’s up and leaving things vague enough to not be questioned.

A wave of nausea struck Mike’s gut and he turned to his door with a shudder. “Yeah. Anyway, shower. I’ll be quick.”

Mike left the room with a quick peck on Will’s cheek. His mind was racing through various emotions, landing guilt and regret and anger and self-deprecating thoughts laced with anxiety and anguish. By the time he got to the bathroom, which wasn’t far, Mike was having some trouble breathing and he _hated_ it. He hated the panic, the shaking of his hands, the way he couldn’t maintain basic control of how his body reacted. What type of leader was he to be losing it in the bathroom face to face with his gaunt and paper-white pale reflection? His freckles stuck out even more against his pallor face and the boy closed his eyes with a deep breath.

_Breathe_, Mike remembered his therapist saying when he had an anxiety attack in the very first session where she asked him how he felt powerless about losing his friends. _Breathe, focus on the five seconds you hold in your air, and then let the thoughts flow out of you as you breathe out._

Mike did as previously directed until he could no longer feel his hands shaking. He turned on the water and showered for a few minutes, taking a little more time to let the warm water massage his back with gentle pressure and calm his tense muscles. He dried off and changed in the bathroom before heading back to his room with a whistle. Will was flipping through an old comic book but looked up when he heard Mike enter the room.

Mike nearly dropped all his clothing at the sight before him. It wasn’t anything _new_ persay; Will often word Mike’s clothing if he stayed over without packing a bag, but this—Will wearing Mike’s old t-shirts and pyjama shorts, Will wearing his_ boyfriend_’s clothing—was definitely shocking at least. It struck Mike again that Will was his boyfriend and it wasn’t a fantasy he had been trying to ignore for years. It was only five days since Christmas Eve when Joyce and his mom accidentally revealed to the two boys that they liked each other, so it was still fresh enough in his mind, but little things like Will in his room wearing his clothing made Mike realize all over again that the boy of his dreams was really his boy in real life.

“God, I love you,” Mike whispered hoarsely, tossing his clothes in the hamper before rushing to the bed. He grabbed Will’s face and tilted his chin to kiss him. Will melted into the kiss with a soft hum. “I love you so much.”

“Love you, too, Mike.” Will pulled away and reached out to take Mike’s hand. “Any reason you’re suddenly telling me?”

“Do I need a reason? I get to tell you how I feel every day for the _rest of our lives_. You can bet your ass I’m gonna take every chance I can.” Mike watched Will blush furiously and he couldn’t help but kiss him again. “You and me? Best thing I’ve ever done.”

Will pulled at Mike’s shirt and flopped with him onto the bed. It was too small for the both of them, what will Mike’s height already making the bed a little too small for him on his own, but they made it work. Mike unfortunately had to squirm his way out of Will’s arms to turn off the lights but he was quick to return to Will and curl up next to him.

“Have you been thinking about any New Year’s wishes?” Will asked as darkness began to settle in the room.

“Not really. One of my wishes ended up being a Christmas gift so I have nothing else to desire really.”

“You’re talking about me, aren’t you.”

“No, I’m talking about the new Zelda game Dustin bought me.” Mike nudged his boyfriend and then leaned in for a kiss. He missed and hit only the corner of Will’s lips, which made Will laugh.

“I love you,” the smaller boy whispered in a content sigh. “It’s crazy that we can say that now. I don’t have to be afraid of loving you because you love me, too.”

Mike nodded and took a hand to Will’s hair as he brushed his fingers through it. “I was really scared I would lose you so I never said anything. And then El came into our lives.” Mike closed his eyes. “I love her but I was wrong for trying to force her to be with me. I knew it wasn’t working but I still _tried_. I thought we could work it out.”

“Hey, she forgives you, you know. She also thought it could work it out. She wanted it to work out just as much as you did.”

Mike still felt guilty for it all. For wanting El while loving Will. For trying so hard to ignore where his feelings really lied even though at the end of the day he still imagined waking up in the morning next to Will for reasons he never wanted to explore.

“I hurt her and I _know_ she’s still in pain about it. She can barely stand to be in a room alone with me.”

Will overlayed Mike’s hand with his own. “Heartbreak takes time to get over. You were her first love and letting that go is painful. We should know.”

Mike laughed sarcastically. “Yeah and we failed _miserably_.”

“I’m glad we did,” Will kissed Mike’s nose. “My point though is that El needs time to heal and learn to be your friend again. She _forgives_ you, trust me. She didn’t want to end things but she knew what would be best when she called it quits.”

Mike closed his eyes and listened to Will’s slow breathing. “Yeah. Do you think she’ll be happy about you being with me?”

“Of course.” Will hummed. “We’ll tell everyone on New Year’s Eve as planned. Only two days away. Get some rest now, okay?”

“Mmhmm.”

Sleep came easily when his mind managed to stop worrying about his friendship with El. The sleep itself? Mike could barely remember what he dreamt about. Things were hazy and unclear but there was blood and screams. Screams from his friends, from the people he swore loyalty to, from his mom who knew nothing and he _hated_ the fear he had with telling her the truth. It consumed him until he couldn’t breathe, until he couldn’t hear anything but someone shouting in the distance. It was faint against the background of El’s sobbing, of her screeches as she pulled the wriggling slice of the Mind Flayer from her leg. Faint against the screams of Will burning for hours from the inside out, tears streaming down his face as he writhed in agony. Faint against the worries of his mother finding him vomiting in the bathroom one night from crying so hard and taking him to therapy that very next day despite having school.

(And god, how embarrassing it was to miss track meet and come the next day with a doctor’s note because Mike couldn’t get a stupid fucking handle on his runaway thoughts.)

“Mike!”

The boy woke from his terrors with a choked gasp, legs flaying as he struggled to escape from the blankets that suffocated him. There was a hand on his arm and he tried to pull away from it with all the strength he had, which was a lot thanks to his extra curricular studies. Mike tumbled off the bed and the shock of the fall managed to bring him back to reality. Will was hovering over the edge with wide eyes and fright screaming in his posture. Mike blinked his way out of the remains of his nightmare and felt guilt filter to the top of his emotions.

“Will,” he gasped shakily, feeling the wetness of tears drenching his cheeks. “Will, I—I didn’t mean to.”

Will climbed off the end and knelt beside Mike. He took Mike’s face in hand, ever so gentle and soft, and kissed one of the tear streaks his nightmare had drawn on his face. “It’s okay. I’m here. I’m right here, love.”

Mike couldn’t stop crying. “It’s not—it’s not usually this bad.”

“What isn’t?”

“My dreams.” Mike closed his eyes and Will kissed his eyelids, a featherlight touch on his wet skin. “My nightmares.”

“Is it often?” Mike nodded. “How long?”

“Since the Snowball.” Will tensed and Mike pushed the boy’s hands from his face. “It’s not a big deal.”

“Mike, you were crying in your sleep and kicking around and yanked yourself from my hand so hard you catapulted yourself from your bed.” Will took Mike’s face again and pressed their foreheads together. “You can _talk_ to me about these things. You’re not alone.”

“That’s what my therapist keeps saying and yet here I am, still fucking doing this!” Mike motioned to himself on the floor and then collapsed in on himself. “I can’t make it stop, I can’t tell anyone about the truth, I can’t _control_ myself even with my medications and the therapy sessions, it just gets _bad_ again after everything is good.”

“Mike,”

“And sometimes, I don’t sleep and I won’t take my sleep meds so I don’t have to face that shit again, don’t have to see El sacrifice herself or you—I thought you were dead, Will. I thought it was _real_.” Mike covered Will’s hands with his larger ones. “I thought you were gone forever and I never got to tell you how I feel.”

“Mike, I’m _here_. I didn’t die. I’m right here with you.”

“Yeah, that’s the problem though. I haven’t actually been tortured or attacked or possessed or anything. I was just _there_. A witness.” Mike laughed hoarsely. “I stood by and watched so many people die. I was supposed to be a leader, keep the party together, and I split us up being so selfish and I just—I have no right to be having these damn nightmares when you and El have been through so much worse. And I know your mom told me not to discount my experiences but I can’t stop thinking about how _pathetic_ I am to be like this when—,”

Will put a hand over Mike’s mouth and fixed him with a steady glare. “Listen to my words, Michael,” he started sternly, pulling his hand away to continue cupping Mike’s face. “We are all a little fucked in the head thanks to the Upside Down. And yeah, El and I are probably the two most fucked by it all but that doesn’t mean your trauma and experiences are invalid. My mom is right; don’t sell yourself short. You have the right to feel what you do.”

Mike’s lips were pulled into a thin pale line but he nodded and Will continued. “I was on meds too, remember? My mom used to always call ahead and make sure I have them on me whenever we would have a sleepover. It’s okay to need professional medical help. You don’t have to face this alone. You don’t have to control it alone.” Will pressed a kiss to Mike’s lips. “And I know you can’t tell your therapist everything, I know you can’t tell them about the Upside Down or the demogorgon and Mind Flayer, but you can talk to me just as I can talk to my mom or Jonathan or El these days. You’re not alone, okay? I’m right here.”

“Will.”

“Hush, babe, I’m not finished.” Will swept a hand back into Mike’s hair. “You saved me you know. You saved me and El multiple times.” Mike wanted to shake his head but he didn’t want to interrupt Will so he merely pressed his lips fimer together. Will of course noticed that. “I’m serious, Mike; you really saved us. You gave us something to fight for, a future to live for, with you and all our loved ones. You gave us hope and strength. You _trusted_ me when I was the most untrustworthy person in the room. You were strong for all of us when we needed it, Lucas and Dustin, too. You are our leader, our DM, and you carried us through all that shit. Give yourself credit.”

Will pressed his lips to Mike’s temple and climbed to his feet. “C’mon, let’s get some sleep okay? Good days come and go like bad days and that’s nothing to be ashamed for. It’s never gonna stop but you _can_ have control. You’re healing, Mike, and that means sometimes the wound is still gonna flare up. But eventually, it’ll scar over. Until then, take it one day at a time.”

Mike nodded and took Will’s hand, letting the smaller boy drag him back to the bed. Will wrapped Mike up in his arms and hugged him tightly. “I love you, understand? I love you no matter what. I’m _always_ here for you on good and bad days.”

“I love you, I love you, I love you,” Mike gasped into Will’s arms, burying his face in Will’s borrowed t-shirt. “I’m so lucky to have you.”

“And I’m so lucky to have you, too, Mike.” Will dragged his finger down the bridge of Mike’s nose. “Now, let’s sleep so Dustin won’t be on our asses about taking so long to get him.”

At that, Mike laughed into Will’s chest and allowed himself to relax into his boyfriend’s arms. When he woke, he looked up into loving green eyes and felt for the first time in a while that yeah, he wasn’t alone and things really could get better. Still, when Will pressed him into the mattress with a mixture of kisses and tickles, Mike knew that this couldn’t last. Will didn’t live here anymore. He wouldn’t always be there to console Mike about the terrors of the Upside Down that still haunted him.

Mike needed to fess up and tell him mom the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr: wheelyers


	4. part 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Mike wouldn’t let his shitty mood affect the happy air surrounding the Party. He wouldn’t be the one to make everyone upset because he had to spazz out like in the last month of freshman year when he panicked in the middle of a celebratory dinner because the waitress kept giving him looks like she knew his darkest secrets. Like she knew he liked boys and found one of his teammates cute enough to be a little flustered about it. Like she knew he and his friends were monster hunters and got 30 people killed during the summer of ‘85._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **POV: Mike Wheeler**

“You took your time getting here!”

Mike rolled his eyes as he, Will, El, and Lucas skidded to a stop by the driveway to Dustin’s house. He was sitting on the curb with his bike and angrily glared at the late quartet. Lucas gave Mike and Will the stink eye as he bounded off his bike to stand by Dustin.

“You can blame Will and Mike; they took their _ sweet _ time getting to my place as if I don’t live a few houses away.”

Will shrugged and started biking in small circles in the driveway. El was gripping onto his waist and leaning her head on his back as he went by. “Sorry we’re late, Dustin. Mike and I went to bed later than expected and got kinda distracted when we woke up.”

“Distracted by what?” Lucas snorted. “Dust mites? The way sun filters through Mike’s shitty drapes? The feeling of blankets on your skin?”

Mike and Will exchanged a look, a look that screamed of guiltiness, and Dustin groaned. “Does it really matter what they were doing? We need to get Max and leave before the diner gets too full and starts making Mike antsy.”

Will halted his bike near Mike and he watched El’s grip on Will tighten more. “Antsy?”

“Yeah. Crowds sometimes get to me, but it’s not a big deal.” Mike shrugged and turned toward Lucas and Dustin, who raised suspicion-arched eyebrows at his words. “What? It’s really not a big deal.”

“You threw up in the back of Steve’s car just thinking about the crowd during your first relay race. Oh also, we tried to go to the movies to watch _ The Voyage Home _ last month and you spent half the movie in the bathroom doing breathing exercises.”

Lucas started laughing. “Oh my god, I still remember Mike’s face when he came back and saw the humpback whales and Spock’s headband and got so confused.”

“Hey! Look, the humpback whales part made _ no _ sense.”

“I told you already, Mike,” groaned Dustin, “Spock and Kirk needed to find the whales that sang at the same frequency as the probe since humpbacks are extinct in the future.”

“It’s still stupid! Same with Spock saying ‘the hell’ every five minutes. I didn’t miss much of anything being in the bathroom.”

“Well, I like _ The Voyage Home _. It was a good conclusion to the trilogy.”

Mike turned on Will with an exaggerated gasp. “You wound me, Byers.”

“Are you really gonna stand here and let Will get away with acting like _ TMP _ doesn’t exist?”

“Yes, Lucas, I am, because that movie sucked ass.”

“This is why I’m a Star Wars nerd!” cried out Dustin as he stood up. “We can all at least agree that _ The Empire Strikes Back _ is the best of the three.”

Silence took to the air. Mike spoke up first. “Actually...”

“Finish that sentence, Mike, and you won’t have a tongue to continue it.”

El giggled from behind Will and Mike turned to face her out of instinct. She noticed his gaze but didn’t make eye contact and continued to stare ahead. Something in Mike broke a little seeing El unwilling to even just give him a smile. He knew he had no right to be upset over how she took the breakup even if it has been months already, he knew he broke her heart this past summer and he too was still pained by the ordeal, but he had hoped at least that maybe when they saw each other face to face it would be a happier occasion.

Will reached out to squeeze Mike’s arm and then turned back to Dustin and Lucas. “Let’s go get Max, then. She can give us a tie breaker opinion if we need it.”

Max was not enthusiastic about being asked to choose which Star Wars movie she thought was the best and mostly kept saying _ Return of the Jedi _just to annoy Lucas. Will biked next to Mike when El transferred to Max and rode with her toward Main Street. Mike kept sending his boyfriend glances during the ride and he was always a little flustered when they happened to make eye contact and Will’s lips lifted into a small shy smile. There was something refreshing in being able to turn to his side and find such comfort as he did in Will as a best friend and as his significant other.

Mike couldn’t wait to tell the Party about how much he loved Will, about how lucky he was to fall for someone as kind and caring as the other boy. Even better, he was so extremely lucky that Will loved him back. It was nice to have this private happiness for himself and Will to share in by themselves—well, his mom and Will’s mom knew but they only ever exchanged knowing smiles whenever they caught Will and Mike standing a little closer than usual and trying to sneak cheek kisses when they passed each other by—but Mike was beyond ready to tell his friends.

Lunch was normal as usual: rowdy, loud, and uplifting as hanging out with friends usually went. Sometimes they were all so happy and normal that Mike could forget about the dark thoughts ruminating in the back of his mind, the memories that threatened to consume him when he closed his eyes to darkness. He could forget that no one knew what he hadn’t done to save people, no one knew that the monster built from the bodies and blood of their neighbors that terrorized Starcourt was a product of negligence.

It was weird how survivor's guilt worked. Mike never thought he’d really be faced with the troubling issue but he couldn’t help feeling like if they had done more, if he had focused more on what Will was facing, on what Dustin had found with Cerebo, maybe they could have saved more people. Maybe then the young couple from five houses down wouldn’t have been absorbed into a flesh monster and have their autonomy ripped from them as they melted into the single-focused mind of the Mind Flayer. Maybe then El wouldn’t be powerless, fatherless, Mikeless—not that he was the only person El lost but their closeness and desire to be together was a huge part of both their lives and losing that affected both of them.

Mike sighed to himself and closed his eyes as he leaned back in his chair. Will, who was sat across from him, nudged Mike’s foot with his own and sent him a concerned look. Mike smiled back—he was fine, just thinking too hard—and nudged Will’s foot in turn. Will nudged twice, Mike nudged twice, and then they kept playing footsie under the table until Max called them out for shaking the table. Dustin then tried to have a soda chugging contest with Lucas and won with Max’s encouragement, which made Lucas playfully salty and he brooded for a good minute and talked only to El, who humored him lightly.

Will ordered a milkshake to share with Mike while the others chatted excitedly between themselves about the New Year’s celebration and fireworks that would be happening where the fair was usually held. Mike would much prefer to stay indoors watching Dick Clark count the ball drop, but he knew social interaction and connection with his friends was what he needed most. He had already spent so much of his freshman year avoiding people whenever possible; the only reason why his friends knew about his therapy sessions and medication was because they ran into him the day after he missed school and pestered him for details. Mike couldn’t even give a good reason as to why he didn’t tell Will and El, too, why he left them in the dark despite the fact they were the most important people in his life.

Mike squeezed his eyes shut and flexed his hands on the table. Now was not the time for this. He wouldn’t let his shitty mood affect the happy air surrounding the Party. He wouldn’t be the one to make everyone upset because he had to spazz out like in the last month of freshman year when he panicked in the middle of a celebratory dinner because the waitress kept giving him looks like she knew his darkest secrets. Like she knew he liked boys and found one of his teammates cute enough to be a little flustered about it. Like she knew he and his friends were monster hunters and got 30 people killed during the summer of ‘85.

“Mike,” Will called out and the soft tone brought Mike back to the table and the conversation. The vanilla milkshake stood between them untouched and he frowned. He didn’t remember hearing the waiter stop by at all. Was he that entrenched in his thoughts to block out all other senses and trap himself in his head?

“You good?” Lucas asked from Mike’s other side, chewing on a fry as nonchalantly as possible.

Mike nodded. “I’m good. Just distracted.”

“We were just talking about _ X-Men _, it’s no biggie,” added Dustin. “Max got some comics and has been reading a few to El so we wanted to discuss some fave runs.”

Mike’s brain was blanking on him. He couldn’t even think of anything concerning _ X-Men _ besides Professor X and Cyclops. He shrugged and turned to the milkshake to occupy his mouth so he didn’t have to actually offer an opinion. He could feel Will’s eyes on him and he looked up while slurping at the shake and made eye contact. Will rolled his eyes but his cheeks were flushed and the sight made Mike smile a little. He nudged Will under the table and mouthed _ I love you _ as best he could while blocking the side of his mouth from Lucas next to him.

Will’s smile grew more and he tried to hide it behind his straw but he fell out into giggles and caught everyone else’s attention. Dustin rolled his eyes and stage whispered to El beside him, “They’re back at it again, using that secret best-friends-since-we-were-five telepathy.”

Mike stuck his tongue out at his friend after a small chuckle. “You’re just jealous that all it takes is one glance from me for Will to lose his cool.”

“Hey, I’m not that easy to break.” Will retorted with a small kick under the table. Mike pretended it hurt more than it actually did and moaned as he dramatically grabbed at his ankle.

“My ankles are and I kinda need them for track!”

Will sputtered and then fell out laughing again. Lucas was cackling into his fries and Max was helping him by patting his back when he started to choke from laughing so hard. El was watching Mike, he could feel her eyes on him, and he chanced a glance with a small smile he hoped didn’t look like a grimace.

El maintained eye contact for about two seconds before she blinked and reached over to steal a few of Max’s fries. Mike considered it a success and turned back to finish his milkshake with Will. On the ride back, Mike and Lucas rode side-by-side in the back while Will and Dustin rode together up front and El and Max rode between the two pairs of bikers. Lucas was silent for a while before he spoke up with a huff.

“So, you and Will finally pulled your heads out your asses and hooked up.”

Mike nearly biked into a tree from the shock of the sudden statement. He coughed heavily and then gave his friend a glance. “What makes you say that?”

“You have a very expressive face,” the other boy chuckled to himself. “It’s how I knew you weren’t doing too hot in a really bad way even before you went to the doctor.”

Mike bit his bottom lip. “I know you don’t want me saying thanks or whatever but I really am glad you stuck with me through that.”

“What else would I do? You’re my friend and friends don’t ditch each other when in need.” Lucas smiled. “We’ve been friends far too long; I don’t care if you’re a jock track star now, to me you’re still goofy ass nerd Mike Wheeler with the fattest crush on his equally lovesick best friend.”

Mike laughed and felt a little warmth in his chest from the comment. Lucas was always blunt and direct, which is probably why he worked so well with Max, who was equally as blunt and direct. Lucas was just as loyal as anyone else in the Party and he and Mike has been friends the longest only after Mike and Will. Mike loved him so deeply and trusted him just as much.

“Was it that obvious?”

Lucas cackled. “Are you seriously asking that question? Dude, I thought you were gonna _ die _ when Will announced he was moving. And the way you spent practically all the rest of that summer at his side? Mike, _ you _ may be oblivious but Dustin and I have eyes and we use ‘em.”

“Dustin knows, too?”

“I don’t think he knows you two are together now but yeah, he knows you like Will.” Lucas shrugged. “It was kinda just a part of the group dynamic, you know? You two liking each other and always dancing around it as if we couldn’t tell, as if you each didn’t know yourselves.” The boy huffed with a smirk. “Dustin and I used to joke about what excuse you two would pull out of a hat for Will to stay over.”

“There were never any excuses!”

Lucas laughed again. “I know but it was fun to guess. Point is, hell yeah we know. I love El and really wanted you two to work things out because you each make each other happy and you deserve that. We all do.” Mike nodded solemnly. “Still, there was always a part of me that hoped that maybe, just maybe, you and Will could find happiness together like before the Demogorgon.”

“Wow.” Mike slowed his bike as they rolled down a hill. “You know, speaking of the Demogorgon, I think I’m gonna tell my mom about everything that happened.”

Lucas gaped. “You’re _ what _? I thought you were gonna keep that locked up forever.”

“Yeah, but…” Mike glared at the ground. “She helped me and Will get together. She wants me to be happy and the only way that’s gonna happen is if she knows why I’m not.”

“Well, at least you’re admitting it now.”

“That I’m dating Will or that I’m depressed?”

“Both but I meant your depression.” Lucas sighed. “I know you don’t like talking about it and you like pretending that life doesn’t terrify you, but it’s okay to speak up with us. Me, Dustin, and Max. We want you to feel better, too. Don’t forget that.”

Mike’s voice was a low whisper when he replied. “I know. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, man,” groaned Lucas as he scuffed his tire against the curb, “Friends don’t need apologies or whatever for being friends.”

“I know, but—,”

“Shut up, Mike, and let it go, alright?” The boy sent Mike a warm smile. “You love to talk but right now just, I don’t know, listen and find comfort in that, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“I said shut up.”

Mike rolled his eyes and steered his bike toward Lucas, who yelped and sped up his pace to avoid collision. Mike laughed and watched Lucas catch up to Dustin and Will loudly exclaiming how Mike was trying to run him into the snow. The rest of the ride to the Wheeler’s was spent in silence but Mike could feel the anxiety bubbling inside as he thought about what he would tell his mom. Will parked his bike beside him when they arrived, gently gripping his arm while everyone also attempted to suspend the inevitable split up caused by arrival.

“Good luck,” Lucas muttered when he hopped off his bike to give Mike a hug. “Call me if you need anything, alright?”

“Of course, dude.” Mike chuckled and hugged his friend back. “See you tomorrow.”

El hopped off Max’s bike and made her way to Mike and Will with a small hum. Max waved goodbye and the three watched their friends bike away as the chill of winter sank into their bones. Will shivered and Mike grabbed his hand to lead him inside, turning to hold out a hand for El as well. She blinked twice and frowned but took his hand, too, gently twining their fingers in a promise that the anger and heartbreak wouldn’t keep them from being friends. Not for long at least.

With his closest friends’ hands in his own, Mike felt courage seep into his soul and feed him the strength he needed to tell his mom the truth behind his misery.

“Mom,” he called out shakily, Will’s grip tightening with much-needed comfort.

His mom was upstairs but she came down at the sound of Mike’s voice and smiled warmly as she saw him holding hands with Will and El. “Mike,” she started happily, “I’m assuming the lunch meet went well.”

“Really well,” Mike shuffled on his feet and sent El a glance. “I, uh, I actually need to tell you something really important. And you can’t tell _ anyone _ else.”

She raised her eyebrows and tentatively sat down on the couch. “You know I won’t tell anyone about...about you liking boys. I’ll love you still, I _ do _ love you still.

Mike coughed and looked upstairs in hopes that his dad wasn’t eavesdropping. “No, I mean, I do but that’s not this conversation.”

And what a weird thing to confess about so easily. Mike liked boys. _ Only _ boys. And he confirmed it so easily like any other ‘yes or no’ question. Something in his gut churned, a mixture of relief that his mom truly didn’t care and loved him still, and fright that he confirmed aloud that his attraction to boys and boys only was real.

“What’s going on, Mike?”

The boy turned to Will and then sent his mom an apologetic glance. “When Will disappeared in ‘83, he didn’t _ just _ disappear. He was kidnapped by a monster from another dimension that got to him through a gate El opened with her mind.”

Mike’s mom blinked twice and then started laughing though she tried to hide it with a hand to her mouth. “Is that the story you kids told yourselves to deal with the fact he was missing?”

“No, Mrs. Wheeler, it’s real.” Will lifted up his shirt just enough for the burn scar to be visible. It made Mike sick to think about it, think about how they had to _ burn _ the Mind Flayer out of Will. “This scar isn’t from the stove. The monster possessed me in ‘84 and my mom and Mike and Hopper helped excise it from me. El closed the gate, too.”

“And then in ‘85,” Mike swallowed the lump in his throat, “the monster came back and...it melted our neighbors into a machine made of human flesh, blood, and bone. The gate was reopened and Hopper died trying to close it.”

“I was the one who found Will,” El spoke up hesitantly. “I found him in my mind. I can find anyone in my mind.”

Mike sent her a smile. “El has really cool powers actually; she can flip cars and levitate objects and I actually hid her in the basement during ‘83 while Will was missing.” Karen’s jaw dropped. “I’m still amazed you didn’t notice.”

“Can she,” Karen turned to El with curiosity. “Can she demonstrate?”

El shifted uncomfortably and Will spoke up. “Her powers are gone now thanks to the monster but it’s real. It’s all real.”

Karen blinked multiple times, eyes darting between the three kids with disbelief written in her eyes. She settled her gaze on Mike and crumpled. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

Mike was stuck between surprise that she accepted everything so easily and guilt that he kept this to himself for so long. “I legally couldn’t; the US government is involved in all of this,” he waved between himself, Will, and El, “but you deserve to know why...why I needed therapy. Why I can’t sleep at night, how me and El met in the first place, why I fell apart when the Byers left. Why I’m so _fucked_ _up_.”

Will’s grip on his hand tightened just enough and he presses himself closer to Mike’s side as a comforting force against his rapidly declining thoughts. Karen stood up and made her way to Mike with tears pooling in her emotional eyes. He was taller than her, head bowed down as he fought his own tears back—_ pathetic; be a leader, Michael _—but he managed to make eye contact with her regardless.

“You are dealing with so much, my dear,” she started quietly. “I’m sorry you felt you had to carry the burden yourself.”

“Dustin and Lucas and Max know. Nancy, too.” Mike rubbed at the back of his neck. “The monster got Barb back then.”

Karen gasped with a hand to her mouth. “Oh, poor girl.” The woman closed her eyes to keep her tears back and then opened them with a shaky smile drawn on her painted lips. “I’m so glad you finally told me.”

Mike shrugged but he could feel happiness threatening to blossom in his chest. “I, uh, well, having Will and El back reminded me that I don’t have anyone else in the house who _ knows _ . Nancy does yeah but she doesn’t like to talk about it. And neither do I really but she’s my sister and we don’t talk about a _ lot _ of things.”

“You two are close.”

“Yeah, but she doesn’t know that I don’t even want to be on the track team but she looks so _ happy _ seeing me on the field; I can’t take that away from her!” Mike clenched his fists angrily as the words spilled from his mouth. “She doesn’t know about me and Will or that I’m—,” the word wouldn’t come out but Mike knew they all knew what he wanted to say. “She doesn’t know a lot of things. But _ you _ do. Everything but the secret about the Upside Down. And I can’t keep this up! This lie about who I am, what I’ve seen, what I’ve _ done _.”

Karen rushed to take Mike in her arms and he fell into her embrace just as quickly. Mike felt Will and El release his hands so he could wrap his arms around his mom and hug her tightly. She was sniffling a little, gently rubbing his back and it made Mike feel like a kid again but in a good way. It made him feel like he was 6 or 7, being soothed after falling off his bike in the driveway and scratching his knee. It made him feel like what he just relayed to his mom could easily be bandaged over like that scrape.

“Mike, I love you.” was all she said and it was all Mike wanted to hear, all he _ needed _ to hear. “I just want you to be _ happy_. You can quit track, you can join theater, you can do whatever you want, I don’t care.” She took his face in her hands and fixed him with a steady glare. Mike couldn’t look away even if he wanted to. “If there’s anything I’ve learned in life, it’s learning to be yourself. Let yourself be who _ you _ are, not who everyone wants you to be.”

Mike frowned. “Is this why you and Dad are thinking about getting a divorce?”

Karen froze and bowed her head. “Yes. I’m sorry. You weren’t supposed to know.”

“I can handle it. He barely cared about me anyway.” Mike huffed and reached up to squeeze his mom’s hand. “I love you, Mom, yeah? We’ll both be happy.”

Karen grinned and Mike watched her turn to Will and El with equally wide smiles. El was the first to initiate the hug, brown pigtails whipping around with the intensity of the action. Will turned to wrap his arms around Mike from behind and pressed his face into his back with a hum. Mike laid his hands over Will’s and leaned into the touch with a smile. The conversation went a lot easier than Mike thought it would and the weight off his shoulders had him a little weak in the knees.

He was so lucky, oh so _ lucky_, to have the people in his life that he did.

And when New Year’s Eve came the next day, Mike and Will told their friends about their new relationship just as they planned. Dustin pulled the two into one armed hugs, Lucas shared a knowing look with Mike, Max gave Will a high five for it all, and El...she smiled and nodded with approval and even though she already knew thanks to the conversation with his mom the day before, it was great to have her support confirmed.

“10 seconds until the new year,” started Lucas as he rocked Max in his arms.

“8 now!” Dustin shouted as he took El into his own arms for a tight hug. She laughed and patted his cheeks with a wide grin.

“5 seconds,” whispered Will into Mike’s ear as he held him close to his chest. The Party was toward the back of the crowd, hidden from the gazes of Hawkins as all eyes took to the sky in preparation for the fireworks show.

“3.” A warm kiss to the shell of Mike’s ear.

“2.” A lingering kiss to the nape of his neck.

“1.” A soft breath against his cheek.

Mike twisted and grabbed his boyfriend’s face as the crowd cheered _ Happy New Year _ and the fireworks lit up the sky. He looked into green eyes, traced the reflection of pyrotechnics in those sparkling orbs, and leaned in for their first kiss of 1987. Will smiled into it, pulled Mike closer, and ignored the whoops and cheers of their friends surrounding them.

“I love you,” Mike murmured when he pulled away, then turned to the rest of his friends. “I love you all, man. You’re the best friends a guy could ask for.”

“And we love you, too, Mike.” Dustin tagged on with a grin. “Our baby leader.”

Mike rolled his eyes and punched the other boy in the arm with a chuckle. El watched him carefully and then reached out a hand for Mike’s own. He passed it along, worry in his chest as her brown eyes filled with emotion he couldn’t understand. “I love you,” she said and it was different. It was different than the last time, not as desperate, not as needy. It was resignation and acceptance in three words, understanding and moving on in one: _ love._

“I love you, too,” he breathed out and then pulled the younger girl into his arms. She pressed her face into his chest and clung onto his shirt with shaking fists. “Thank you.”

El laughed. “Next time, don’t hide yourself from me. Or Will. Or yourself.”

A chill ran down his spine but he shook it off and straightened the messy hair on her head. “I’ll do my best.”

“That’s all anyone can ask for.”


	5. interlude: thanksgiving '85

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Mike hummed as he squeezed his arms tighter around Will and let loose a wavering breath against the top of his head. Will memorized every second of this moment as best he could, the comforting sound of Mike’s breathing, the warmth oozing from his skin, the difference in height between them that still left Will short enough to tuck his head in under Mike’s chin if he dared. He didn’t want this moment to ever end, but of course it did._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **POV: Will Byers**

“Will!” Joyce called from the front of the house. Will looked up from his drawings and turned toward the clock, perking when he noticed the time.

“I’ll be right there!”

The young boy scrambled for his jacket and some shoes, yanking his bedroom door open as he raced to the front door where his mom stood. Excitement bubbled in his chest even though it had only been a month since the move. School was weird—new kid stress wasn’t fun in any manner—and he and El were still struggling with how to fit together as housemates and siblings. It was weird having a _ sister_, let alone having a sister with supernatural powers, though those powers had yet to return.

Will twisted the door handle and stepped out onto the porch, holding a hand over his eyes to block the sun shining above. His eyes grew used to the light and he turned toward the driveway where a familiar car was parked. He couldn’t help the smile that broke out on his lips and he ran toward the car as he heard the door click open.

“Mike!” Will shouted, laughing when the other kid quickly whipped around to find where the voice came from.

Mike didn’t look too different, it was only a month after all, but he also looked a little different than Will recalled. Will didn’t think a month apart would make him start forgetting details about Mike’s face—the benefit to his crush, which still made him a little flustered to think about, was that he watched Mike so much that he had the boy’s face memorized—but Mike seemed off. More in shadows, less in light. His hair seemed more black than brown even under the sunlight and the typical chocolate brown eyes Will sketched out in the privacy of his room looked darker than usual. More coffee brown than chocolate, which was fine, food analogies aside, but it wasn’t _ Mike’s _ eye color.

“Dude,” Mike started and Will still couldn’t understand why Mike had started referring to him using ‘dude’ or ‘bro’, “I made it like I said I would.”

Will knew his smile was getting wider but he couldn’t care to stop it. “Just in time, too. Well, I mean it’s the 25th so there was buffer room but I’m glad you’re here now.”

“Me too,” chuckled Mike as he brushed a loose strand of hair from his eyes. Will unconsciously followed the motion of the other boy’s fingers, mentally caught in a loop of affection for how beautiful and strong those very hands were, and turned pink at the edges when Mike noticed and cocked his head to the side with a question. “You good?”

“Me? Yeah.”

“Are you sure?”

“Mike, please, you _ just _ got here. I should be asking you how things are doing back home.”

The other boy huffed and broke eye contact to stare off toward the street. “Things are going.” He turned back to Will with bright eyes and a smile but Will knew Mike. He knew this boy better than he probably knew himself and Will knew the smile and excitement was honest but not real. “Enough about Hawkins, though; tell me about your new life out here!”

Will opened his mouth to reply but a squeal from behind him turned both him and Mike toward the front door and Will’s heard plummeted. He tried, he really tried not to hold anything against El for liking Mike, but jealousy had Will in it’s snare and wouldn’t let go. He stepped aside to allow El to run toward Mike, who brightened and held out his arms to take her in a hug with joyous laughter.

Will bit at his bottom lip. He wished he could do that, run up to Mike and spin in his arms, drop to his feet and pull him down by the collar of his shirt for a kiss. The fantastical nature of it all made Will a little dizzy whenever the want penetrated his deeply rooted denial of the reality of the situation ever occurring. Even if he tried to tell Mike that it was okay to like him, that it was okay for whatever was happening between them to _ happen_, Will wasn’t sure he really believed anything would change. The evidence was in plain sight right in front of him—Mike wanted El that way, not Will—and he needed to get over it already. Get over Mike.

_ “But what if you want to join another party?” _

_ “Not possible.” _

_ Yeah_, he thought to himself as Mike pulled from the hug and gripped El’s hand in his own, _ not possible_.

“Will,” Mike called with a more genuine smile than before, “you wanna head inside and show me your new room?”

“Oh sure,” he said with a shrug, “but maybe you wanna check out El’s first?”

Mike was confused. “What for?”

“You two are,” Will crossed his two fingers together in lieu of stating the fact the two were a couple aloud. “I don’t mind really.”

Mike waved a passing hand. “Nancy and El can entertain themselves with Jonathan; I wanna see how much different your room looks.”

“Oh. Alright then.”

Will was silent as the trio made it inside, trying his best to ignore Mike and El’s whispering behind him. By the time he got to his room, only Mike was trailing behind him and he was eerily silent for being the one the Party would always pester about shutting up. There was some sort of tension now, equally unpalatable and unfamiliar, and Will didn’t know what to do about it. He thought they had made up before he moved away, he thought they were close again, closer maybe, but at least not so distant for there to be unspeakable tension.

The door to his room creaked as he opened it and though a large part of him wanted to look back and watch Mike’s face as he peeped inside, Will kept his eyes facing forward and approached his bed. Mike didn’t make a sound as he followed him and the silence was starting to be more suffocating, especially when the other boy shut the door behind him. What was he supposed to say? Why were his palms getting sweaty? Why couldn’t he look at Mike?

“This room is pretty nice,” started Mike with a small shrug. It brought Will’s eyes up from the floor to Mike’s face and when they made eye contact, Mike looked away first with a cough. “It suits you.”

“I should hope so,” Will replied quietly. This wasn’t like Mike. This wasn’t like Will either. Whatever happened between their goodbyes and Mike’s arrival changed something and Will didn’t like it. “Are you...are you okay?”

“Me?” Mike whipped around to face Will from where he was inspecting a Beatles poster. His eyes were wide with surprise and then melted into soft laughter. “I’m fine, Will. Really. Don’t worry about me now.”

“You’re just really quiet.”

Mike shook his head with a huff. “Nah, just don’t know what to say anymore. It’s weird, right?” The taller boy turned back to the poster and rubbed at the back of his neck. “We used to see each other every day and talk for _ hours _ despite that but we spend a month apart and I don’t know where to begin.”

“Too much to talk about?”

“Not enough.”

“You know you can tell me anything. Even mundane shit, I really don’t care. I just like hearing you talk. I miss that.”

Will blushed once the words were out of his mouth and he quickly turned away from Mike toward his desk where his drawings were splayed out all over the surface. The drawings that were, in particular, sketches of Mike. _Oh_ _shit_. He turned back to Mike and hoped he hadn’t followed his line of sight, but Mike was still staring up at the poster. His cheeks were pink though and that made Will curious.

“I miss that, too,” was his slow response. Mike tilted his head just enough for Will to get a good profile view of him and, Will’s heart leapt in his throat. Mike was unfairly _ gorgeous _ and Will wasn’t immune to his charms in any manner. “El and I are...we’re not together.”

Will tried not to sound excited; it wasn’t as if he had a chance either way. “Like for good?”

“I don’t know. I hope not. Things have just been really weird with us lately.”

“It looked like you two were together when you hugged.”

Mike shrugged. “It’s always great to see the people you care about again after a long time. I couldn’t _ not _ hug her.”

_ But you didn’t hug me. _

“No, I didn’t.” Will sputtered as he realized he said that last thought aloud. Mike turned fully to face him and raised a bit of a smug eyebrow. “Do you want a hug, too? Wanna run and jump for it? Pirouette, too?”

Will knew Mike didn’t know, Mike _ couldn’t _ know, but he hated how the other boy was unknowingly playing with him like this. “I’m fine,” he snorted back and if he sounded a little hurt with it, no one needed to know. “I don’t need a hug to affirm our friendship.”

“Well, that’s good for you but I think _ I _ do, so if you don’t mind,” Mike motioned for Will to stand up and then opened his arms wide. “Hug me, Will.”

This was strange. This was very strange and Will’s heart was beating so fast he thought he might pass out. Mike wasn’t one to shy away from physical affection but since he was with El, he had stopped being so proactive about it in general. Will still got the occasional hand to his arm in comfort, and sometimes they still sat pretty close together, but this? Opening his arms with a gentle smile and demanding a hug so blatantly without question? This was too much to handle.

Will fell into the hug anyway because he was weak-hearted and Mike was warm, familiar, homely, beautiful, everything Will wanted but couldn’t have in a single human being. If he couldn’t have Mike the way he wished for, he would definitely take advantage of whatever Mike was willing to offer him. Consider himself spoiled given Mike usually gave Will everything—everything but his heart apparently—but it was a type of spoiling he realized he missed most of all.

Mike hummed as he squeezed his arms tighter around Will and let loose a wavering breath against the top of his head. Will memorized every second of this moment as best he could, the comforting sound of Mike’s breathing, the warmth oozing from his skin, the difference in height between them that still left Will short enough to tuck his head in under Mike’s chin if he dared. He didn’t want this moment to ever end, but of course it did.

Will turned to hide his face so Mike couldn’t see his eyes, couldn’t read whatever emotion plastered itself onto his face. He only turned around when he heard Mike take in a shaky breath, worry taking over his mind as he watched Mike’s shoulders sink with a shuddering sigh.

“Mike,” he started hesitantly, “it’s okay if you’re not okay.”

“I’m fine,” he spat back, glaring at Will as he crossed his arms. His eyes were rimmed with tears and it broke Will’s heart to see his friend so hurt and unwilling to open up about it. “I’m perfectly fine.”

Will frowned. “Do you need another hug?”

“I, uh,” Mike laughed and shook his head. “Our friendship has been reaffirmed in full. We’re good.”

“Okay.” Will plopped onto his bed and kicked his legs through the air. “Do you know where you’re staying over while you’re in town?”

“I think my mom got a motel but I don’t mind staying overnight here since we’re only up here for, like, three days.” The lanky boy turned as he inspected the poster covered walls of the room. “You wouldn’t mind if I stayed over in your room, would you?”

“It’s not a problem.” Will sent his friend a soft smile. “I’ll get my spare sleeping bag from the closet; you can take my bed and I’ll take the floor.”

“No, no, I’m the guest invading your privacy in your room. The floor is mine.”

Will snorted. “We are not about to fight over who takes the floor.”

“Of course not because I’m taking the floor.” Mike motioned to the ground near Will’s bed and clasped his hands together. “In fact, where is your frog plush? I’ll use it as a pillow so you don’t have to grab a new one for me.”

Will blinked a few times. “I, uh, it’s on the dresser.” He motioned toward it and then frowned. “It’s not very comfortable though. You know it’s really not a bother to get another pillow. You should at least be comfortable if you’re gonna be sleeping on the floor.”

“Don’t worry about it; it’s not worth the hassle. I’m here for three days, right?” Mike walked toward the door with a smile. “I’ll get my bags and tell my mom I’m staying over. See you in a bit.”

Will nodded but watched Mike leave with confusion in his gaze. He couldn’t put a finger on it, but Mike’s entire energy was so jittery. It was like he couldn’t settle on a single emotion and kept bouncing between excitement and this more maudlin aura that made Will’s heart clench a little desperately. He wondered if it was because Mike was still sad about him and El not quite being together. Will didn’t know what was going on between them; he never eavesdropped on their conversations and El didn’t talk much to him about her and Mike, but he had most definitely thought they got back together and were trying to be a long distance couple.

He sighed and grabbed the sleeping bag and a pillow despite Mike’s request for the froggie plush. He organized the papers on his desk so his doodles were hidden deep in a stack under the recent landscapes he’d been practicing recently. He wanted to be able to sketch the scenery he saw out here, the way the trees bend in the wind, the way the sun bleeds yellow into the blue of the sky and blends purple and orange out of it. After the move, Will bought new art supplies since many of his old ones were tossed out for the sake of compaction for moving. He wasn’t too upset about it, the new copic markers and graphite pencils in his collection taught him new ways to practice shading and line art. Will could spend hours on a single portrait, watching the way his pencil danced across the page in shy spurts shading the shadows that played against the curvature of bodies and sporadic yet oddly intentional messiness found in nature.

Art was the way Will could express himself the most and he took that seriously while struggling to fit into a new town. Usually he turned to D&D but El wasn’t interested in creating a character and D&D really wasn’t the same without listening to Mike narrate a campaign with his wild onomatopoeias and exaggeratedly elaborate prose. A sigh took Will’s chest and he released it gently with a hand passing over the top sketch of the first sunset he ever saw from the porch of this house.

Loud yelling tore Will from his thoughts and he rushed toward his door to open it and find Mike and El arguing in the front doorway as Mike held his overnight bag in hand. Mike looked way more haggard, more tense and extremely irritated by whatever El was saying. She had anger blazing in her eyes and was gesticulating wildly as she spoke. It was odd to see from someone who controlled her motions deliberately after years of being trained to do so. El’s emotions were always leaning toward the extremes, Will had quickly learned when sibling irritation took to the air and he and El sat on opposite ends of the couch pretending the other didn’t exist.

“What did you expect from me?” Mike asked belligerently. “I’m here for _ three _ days, El. You can manage.”

“That’s not the point I’m trying to make and you know it.” El snarled as she stepped into his space. “You need to decide.”

“I already did and just because you don’t like it doesn’t mean I’m changing it.” Mike barked before stepping back. “I’m dropping my shit off; when you’re done with this,” he waved toward El and she scoffed with a roll of the eyes, “I’ll be back to talk.”

With that final word, Mike stormed down the hallway past Will and haphazardly tossed his bag into the room. He didn’t give Will a single glance when he popped out the room and brushed his way by to head back outside. El stood by the front door watching him and then twitched her hand subconsciously when the door slammed shut behind him. Will didn’t know what to say and he most definitely did not want to intervene in on a spat between his friend and his not-girlfriend, but he didn’t like seeing either person upset.

“You okay?” He asked as he made his way to her side. She gave him a glance and then glared toward the door.

“Mike is being an asshole.”

“He does that sometimes.” El laughed and turned to fully face Will. He smiled and stuffed his hands in his pocket with a hum. “You wanna talk about it? Get it off your chest.”

El bit at her bottom lip. “He is...he is confused. I can tell but he won’t say and now he is avoiding me. Does he not trust me anymore?”

“No, he does. Trust you that is. Sometimes people can’t say what’s on their mind.” Will looked back at the door and felt a tightening in his chest. “It’s not because we don’t trust anyone, it’s mostly because we don’t trust ourselves.”

“That is,” she scrunched her nose as she scrounged for a word and her eyes went downcast once she settled on one, “sad.”

Will smiled self-deprecatingly. “Yeah. It kinda is. But don’t worry about it, Mike’ll come around. He always does.”

“Yes, he does,” she said dreamily and Will felt jealousy rise in his chest again and make him feel a little sick. “Do you want to watch a movie tonight?”

“All three of us?”

El nodded with a light smile Will was happy to see on her face. “Jonathan and Nancy too if she wants.” The girl turned toward the window where the aforementioned two were standing chatting together. “Nancy looks pretty today.”

Will raised an eyebrow as he followed her gaze. Nancy had sort of been a big sister presence in his life while being so close to Mike growing up. He never really saw her as _ pretty _, but he could admit that she was kind-hearted and sweet and was always there for Will when he needed it, even if she was gruffer with Mike. Not seeing Nancy as pretty wasn’t saying much anyway since Will’s attraction toward girls was non-existent.

He shuddered at that thought and then gave El a nudge with his shoulder. “You can go on and ask them to join us. I’ll find a movie and talk to Mike.”

El was silent with her nod but she made her way outside and Will watched carefully as she shyly asked Jonathan and Nancy to join them for the movie. Nancy was smiling so sweetly, ever kind and gentle toward El and helping her when she can. Jonathan was just as caring, having taken El to be his younger sister with an ease Will wished he had. He hated how what he felt for Mike affected so many things but he equally enjoyed how the flutter in his chest filled his heart with deep affection at the thought of Mike.

Will turned toward the door and took a breath before making it outside to talk Mike down from whatever anger was piling inside. He didn’t find Mike on the porch, but he did find Mike’s mom standing outside smoking and when she spotted Will, her frown grew into a smile and she gave him her full attention.

“Are you looking for Mike?” she asked with a puff. “He said he was going for a short walk.”

A walk? Mike didn’t _ do _ walks. “Which direction did he go in?”

She pointed somewhere eastward with her cigarette-laden hand. “He said he would be back soon. I would give him his space.” A shadow crossed the woman’s face and she brought the cigarette back to her mouth with shaky fingers. “I don’t know what is happening to him.”

“There’s something wrong?”

“No. I don’t know.” Mrs. Wheeler tapped her fingernails against the porch railing. “He is different, that’s all I know. School has been a major stress for him which is why I was so willing to take the drive up here for him to see you.”

Will nodded. He had left toward the beginning of the school semester but he still heard the stories from the Party about different high school was compared to their middle school days. Middle school didn’t leave a friendly taste in Will’s mouth—between the bullying and the events with the Upside Down and Mind Flayer, he had little reason to have anything positive to say about his time in 6th through 8th grades—but he at least had his friends to lean back on, and Mike to spend a night with chatting about nothing until his mom came in the room telling them to finally get to sleep.

“I’ll go get him, Mrs. Wheeler. Be back in a bit.”

There was only so far Mike could have gone, and given he was unathletic and always panting after running for 10 seconds at a time, he would have winded out of the walk at some point around two minutes. Just as predicted, Will found Mike by the curb catching his breath but it wasn’t around two minutes later. Will himself was breathing a little heavy from his trek up the hill and he wondered why Mike hadn’t tapped out sooner.

“Mike!” he shouted to get the other boy’s attention. Mike stiffened dramatically and twisted around to spot Will lightly jogging toward him. His brown eyes were wide with shock and settled into something resembling disbelief as Will settled next to him.

“Didn’t expect you to come after me.” Mike grabbed a pebble at his feet and tossed it into the street. “I just needed a moment to myself.”

“That’s fine.” Will looked at the sky and noted how the sun was already setting. “We’re gonna watch a movie if you’re down.”

Mike didn’t say a word. He simply picked up another pebble, round and smooth under his fingers, and tossed it onto the other sidewalk across the way. Will gave Mike a weird look but didn’t bother asking any questions on how Mike threw that pebble without missing his target. Will had vivid memories of Mike constantly losing horseshoe tossing matches because of his tragically misaligned aim. Dustin would always fall out cackling when Mike’s throw landed a good three feet away from the post, and Mike would chase after him for five seconds before falling to the forest floor and asking Will to help him back up.

“The sun,” whispered Will and he tried to hide his smile when Mike perked and started looking for wherever the sun was setting. Will wanted to watch too, add it to his slowly growing landscape collection, but his eyes were locked on Mike’s profile. The sharp slope of his nose was a curve Will wanted to drape soft kisses over until the skin under his lips turned pink. The brush stroke of freckles across his cheeks stood out against the pale pink of his skin and Will let his eyes dart between each brown dot and remembered the days when Mike used to try to scrub his freckles off. He was the only one in the family with them, the only one with brown eyes, too, and it used to anger him constantly how he didn’t look like his family. There was constant teasing from bullies about his freckles and brown eyes, too, and Will had always questioned why people picked on what Will considered one of Mike’s best features.

Mike suddenly closed his eyes and leaned back on his palms with a half-smirk on his lips. Will blinked his way out his thoughts, eyes still lingering on the curve of Mike’s pink lips, and he quickly snapped his eyes away before the full thought could develop. He stood up and dusted off his hands and pants with a huff.

“Let’s get inside; I have _ Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom _ if you wanna watch.” Will held out a hand for Mike and watched the other boy stare at the offer as if it was a bigger decision than it needed to be. “Or _ Gremlins _, I know you liked that one.”

Mike’s eyes darted up to Will’s and he smiled. “_Temple of Doom _ is fine. We’ll all get grossed out together about eating monkey brains for Kali.”

“Insulting the way people worship their goddesses?” Will grinned wider when Mike’s hand slipped into his own and he helped tug him to his feet. Mike stumbled and fell into Will’s arms a little, one hand slipping to grip Will’s waist as he caught his balance and tried to recenter himself.

Will’s mind was centered on the way Mike’s hand seared itself against his hip, how his fingers tightened into Will’s skin and pressed imprints into his soul that would truly never leave. Mike’s hands were big, so big, and the warmth from his palm seeped into Will despite the odd layers of clothing draped on his body. Will felt his lips part unconscious with a never fully formed gasp and his eyes darted upward when he felt Mike’s thumb brush his hip bone in what could only be registered as a gentle caress.

Words alluded Will and it was better that he couldn’t speak given his voice would have probably broken the spell cast upon himself and Mike at this moment. Mike’s eyes darted across Will’s face as if memorizing every detail of him, from the mole on his face to the red flush Will knew was painted across his face like an alarm. Mike wouldn’t let him _ go_, wouldn’t release his grip, wouldn’t drop eye contact, wouldn’t allow Will to stop loving him as desperately as he did.

_ Kiss me_, was the only thought in Will’s addled mind, and he wished he had the courage to speak it aloud. He wished he had the courage to close the gap between them and steal what he didn’t deserve while he could. Mike seemed to come back to his senses and he let go as if Will was a hot potato he had been tossed during recess.

“I, uh,” he started blubbering as blood drained from his face. He looked eerily pale, sick almost, and Will felt his stomach drop to his feet. Mike didn’t want this, he didn’t want _ Will_. “I didn’t. I mean, I do. But.”

“But El.”

Mike shuddered and then turned away as he lurched and rushed toward a tree where he started to vomit. Will stayed back for a moment, fists clenched at his side as he squeezed his eyes shut and listened to Mike empty the contents of his stomach behind a tree. He didn’t know what to think anymore. Mike was so frustratingly confusing and obtuse and Will didn’t know what to believe. His words sounded like he knew what would have happened next, that he knew a kiss was coming, that he was completely fine with that until he thought about El. And now, he was throwing up and shaking like the mere possibility of kissing Will was enough to drive him to illness.

Will walked toward his best friend anyway and patted his back as he coughed and wiped at his mouth with the back of his hand. “Sorry,” he wheezed out, “it’s not. It’s not you.”

“I should hope not.”

Mike took a few steps over and leaned against the tree while rubbing at his face. “Let’s go, yeah? Just. I need water.”

Will nodded silently and started walking back down the hill, not looking back even though he knew Mike was right behind him. They didn’t walk side-by-side and Will wasn’t sure if it was because Mike was avoiding him or Will was purposefully walking fast enough to keep Mike behind him. By the time they got back to the house, the sun had set and Mike was in a better mood than before. He greeted Jonathan inside and Will kinda just stood at the front door unsure about what the hell to do once he remembered Mike was staying in his room for the next couple nights.

Things would be so much easier if he didn’t like Mike and have knowledge that Mike, well, at least didn’t mind kissing him, too.

_ Temple of Doom _ passed by far too quickly, and Will tried to push for another movie to delay having to face the inevitable but El got sleepy and Jonathan and Nancy wanted to spend some more time together on their own. Will wished he hadn’t gone after Mike in the end because then maybe they wouldn’t be so awkward sitting here on opposite sides of the couch acting as if the other didn’t exist.

Will _ hated _ this, he hated feeling so out of place with Mike after years spent knowing each other better than they knew themselves. He hated feeling nervous about speaking up, scared of saying something that could destroy their entire friendship.

“I’m sorry,” started Mike in the resounding silence between the two. “I can go to the motel if it’s easier for you.”

It took a couple seconds for Will to realize what was being said. “Oh, no, I’m fine. You can stay over.”

“Then I’ll take the couch or something.” Mike wasn’t looking his way and Will wanted to scream at Mike to look at him.

“You’re fine in my room,” he murmured, “but if you want to sleep somewhere else, be my guest.”

Mike fidgeted and Will chanced a glance. His heart leapt in his throat at the intense eye contact Mike maintained and Will couldn’t move as Mike slowly approached him. They sat so close now, Mike’s eyes half-closed as he peered at Will through his lashes. Something was bubbling up inside Will, something he didn’t want to address as Mike braced himself between Will’s legs.

“Y-you don’t have to do this,” Will whispered as he felt his hands shake at his side.

Mike cocked his head to the side. “Do what?” His voice was somehow deeper and Will was _ gone_. He was so far gone.

“Kiss me.”

“I—what, you?” Mike pulled back a bit. The skin at his nose and high cheeks went pink and something in Will’s chest soared. “I’m—I just was—oh, _ fuck_.”

The panic that took over Mike’s voice brought Will from his woozy dream state and he took his hands to Mike’s face as the boy started to hyperventilate. “Mike, breathe. Breathe with me.”

“I can’t, I _ can’t_,” he wheezed, tears pooling in his eyes as he fought himself trying to catch his breath.

“Yes, you can. You can. Breathe with me.” He took one of Mike’s hands and pressed it to his chest. “Feel that? Follow me.”

It took a few moments to calm Mike down but once he did, he practically collapsed into Will’s arms. Will wasn’t really sure what to do, he’d never been in a situation where Mike was so...well, _ disordered_. He took a hand to the boy’s hair and started petting it softly like what his mom used to do after a bad dream.

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to,” Will said, his voice tight though he tried to sound as unaffected as possible. His mind was still reeling—Mike had almost been about to kiss him twice already, what did that mean?—but he knew Mike was the one most distraught about whatever the hell was happening so he had to turn his full focus on the boy in his arms.

“Never said I didn’t want to,” and Will wanted to cry.

“Do...do you want me to?”

Mike nodded so small, Will was sure he wouldn’t have noticed if he wasn’t literally holding him. So Will tilted Mike’s chin up and even though he had never kissed anyone before and certainly had never kissed a boy, he pressed his lips to Mike’s own in the most chaste manner he could manage. Pure lip again lip, nothing less and nothing more. Mike’s nose was pressing into his cheek a little and the angle was probably really bad for his neck but there was a buzzing warmth where their lips were connected and Will’s brain hadn’t quite caught up to his actions, so it took a moment for the impact of him kissing _ Mike _ to really hit.

Now there was no way possible he could deny it any further. Not that he ever really could deny for at least the past couple years. Still, there was something different between knowing it and actually being able to act on it, which made things far more real than he could have ever dreamt about. Mike’s mouth was so soft, so warm and his lips were chapped but lightly damp from his tongue and oh, he was moving his lips against Will’s just enough, just enough for it to mean _ something_. With a quickness, the realization that he liked kissing Mike, that he liked a boy’s lips against his own, struck Will in the back of the head with a string of accompanying insults about being a disgusting little _ fag _ for Mike Wheeler.

Will pulled away with a gasp, scrambling back until he was pressed up against the arm of the couch. Mike was blinking his way out a stupor but once he too seemed to realize what exactly happened, he bolted from the couch and brought a shaking hand to his mouth.

“Will,” he gasped, bright red in the face as he blushed heavily.

Will couldn’t think, he couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t believe what had just happened. He kissed Mike. His very first kiss was with Mike Wheeler, his best friend. He liked it. He liked Mike so much. So much it could be lov—_oh god, _he really was a fag; Lonnie was right all along. Everyone was so right; Will was a fucking_ freak _and_ no one _could fix him. He was diseased and sick in the head just like all the politicians on TV said and now he’s got _Mike_ tainted too, oh_ fuck—_

“Let’s not,” Will started quietly as crickets chirped outside to fill the silence between them. “Let’s not talk about this again.”

Mike blinked. “I, oh. Ah, okay.”

“You can take the couch.”

“Okay.”

“I’ll bring your bag out here.” Will felt like a zombie inside, all his thoughts were stomped with insults and slurs that he couldn’t turn off. “I need to sleep.”

“Yeah. Me too.”

Will didn’t dare look up at Mike as he quickly walked to his room and grabbed the bag Mike had tossed inside just a few hours ago. He brought it to the foot of the couch and turned on his heel to practically run to his room but was stopped by Mike’s hand on his arm. Will tensed but didn’t look up at his...at whatever Mike was to him anymore, he really hoped they were still friends after this.

“We’re good, right?” Mike’s voice was gentle and homely and Will missed him already. “We’re still best friends.”

Will mustered up a smile and turned to send it to Mike. “Yeah.”

Mike’s eyes were bright in the darkness. “You sure?”

“Of course. We’re always best friends.” Will wanted to swallow his tongue. “Nothing can change that.” Not even a kiss that should have never happened.

“That’s...that’s a relief,” Mike laughed lightly and then sobered up as he looked down at his feet. “Do you, do you really not want to talk about it?”

“_No _!” Will yanked his arm from Mike’s grip. “No. No, it didn’t happen, okay? T-That never happened. Just forget about it.”

“Will,”

“Mike, _ please_.” Will could feel the tears in his eyes as desperation filtered into his voice. He hated sounding weak but he was going to fall apart at the edges at any second now. “Forget about it.”

Mike looked like he was gonna say more but he pressed his lips into a firm line. “Fine.” He grabbed his bag and tossed it onto the couch. “Goodnight.”

Will felt bad for making Mike’s mood worse but he really didn’t want to think about what happened at all before he made himself sick. “Yeah. Goodnight.”

Sleep didn’t come quite easy for Will. He really tried to sleep, but whenever he closed his eyes all he could do was replay the way Mike’s lips moved against his, the hot breath playing against his mouth before panic consumed his soul. He couldn’t stop hearing the insults, the whispered sneers as he walked through the halls of Hawkins Middle with Mike chattering excitedly beside him. Did everyone know before he did? Did everyone already know how he felt toward Mike? It made him sick to think about how people could see how he felt and used it against him to belittle him as they did.

Will felt like a disease, like a drain in his family and even though he knew his mom loved him with all she had, he couldn’t help but believe that she would hate him if she ever knew where his feelings lied. She would realize that she divorced Lonnie for no reason, worked long nights and weekends to fend for herself and her children only to learn her youngest wasn’t worth the effort in any manner.

Tears pricked at the back of Will’s eyes and he shoved his face in a pillow to stifle the incoming cries. He was so _ stupid _ thinking it would be fine to kiss Mike, caught in the euphoria of it all. It wasn’t right at all, _ he _ wasn’t right. He wasn’t normal, never had been and never would be now that he’d kissed a boy. Why did he even do that? Why did Mike let him? Mike wanted it too, right? Or was Will just reading into things, letting his stupid illness infect his friendship with Mike.

Mike couldn’t have wanted to kiss Will. Will was a boy. Mike loved El. Maybe what he wanted to do wasn’t kiss Will but hug him, and now Will messed that up by kissing an emotionally disarrayed Mike. Saying they were still friends didn’t mean shit, did it? Anyone could say anything. Friends don’t lie, right, well Will would lie any and every day just to keep his friendship with Mike. He would lie to himself until he could convince himself they were still friends, that he hadn’t messed things up even though he really did big time.

With that sobering thought, Will managed to fall into a dreamless sleep, which was a comfort given the events of the day. His mind decided to torment him the moment he woke up, blaring a reminder in his sleepy brain that he had kissed Mike last night and destroyed any semblance of denial he could ever muster up. The tears started flowing then and Will tried to be as silent as possible with his sobs, stuffing his blanket into his mouth to stifle himself. It was messy, drool dripping from his lips and snot running from his nose down his blotchy tear-drenched face, but Will could care less. He was a monster hiding in plain sight all over again but this time the monster couldn’t be removed from his body.

A knock from his door brought Will back from the all-consuming spiral of his thoughts, but he wasn’t able to clean himself up before the person he most least wanted to see entered his room. Mike noticed Will’s face and immediately shut the door before bounding to his bed and sitting down in front of him.

“Will! Are you okay?”

Will shook his head. “Nightmare,” he replied and it wasn’t a lie. He didn’t need to specify that it was a _ living _ nightmare. “I just...I just need time.”

Mike reached out a hand and then flinched before pulling away. Will swallowed a lump in his throat; he knew things wouldn’t be alright between them. He yanked his blankets up higher, pulled his knees close to his chest, and curled up until his face was between his knees. He really didn’t want to see Mike’s face right now but he knew Mike wouldn’t leave until he knew Will was okay. That was simply how Mike worked. He typically put the health of others before himself and fought anyone who dared to get in his way. He was strong, loyal, and devoted, and Will really hated how much he liked Mike for it all.

“We could, uh, we could chill in here and read comics together if you’d like.” Mike’s voice was soft. So soft. He was always so gentle. “I brought up a few older issues for the car ride but I don’t mind rereading them with you.”

“Don’t waste your time,” Will spat back but he wasn’t sure if Mike really heard him given his mouth was covered. Then again, Mike knew what Will was saying without even having to talk so he probably knew.

“I don’t _ ever _ waste my time with you. Why do you think I’m up here?”

“To see El.”

Mike flicked Will’s head and he looked up with a scowl. Mike’s hair was messy, unkempt as if he had just woken up and it hurt Will’s heart so bad. He ignored it to continue glaring at the other boy. “If I’m here to see only El, then why am I here with you?”

“Because she’s mad at you.”

Mike frowned. “She’s mad at me because I wanted to spend my first day back with _ you_.” The boy sat back on his haunches and sighed. “Today was supposed to be the day she takes me out and shows me around. And then tomorrow the three of us hang out and catch up on life. But here I am with you because I want to be.”

Will sniffled. “Sounds more like you have nothing else to do.”

“I was gonna spend the day with Nancy and your mom if it’s any consolation.”

“I have trouble imagining that,” laughed Will, surprised that he heard a genuine huff of laughter from his mouth. “Let me shower and then we can sit and read comics, yeah?”

Mike was glowing as he stood up to head out the room. “Hell yeah!”

The shower was a comfort and gave Will the chance to calm down and scrub away all the sweat and tears that had accumulated during his sobbing fest. He could almost forget why he had started crying in the first place, but when he opened the bathroom door and spotted Mike in the hallway chatting with his mom, his smile wide and happy as she laughed with him, Will was struck down with the reminder and it took all of his willpower to keep from frowning. The comic book reading session was fun. Felt like old times before the Upside Down. Huddled side-by-side sharing a blanket with snacks that they really shouldn’t be eating in bed. Will wished it was _ exactly _ like those days, but he couldn’t stop thinking about how he kissed Mike and it was ironic given he told Mike to act like it never happened. The problem was, the past was the past and he couldn’t recreate it no matter how much he wanted to, no matter how much he willed his heart to return to those preteen innocent feelings he wasn’t knowledgeable enough to know. Mike could guffaw like he was 10 again all he wanted to, and Will could smile and chuckle behind his hand trying to act like he didn’t find it funny himself, but it would never erase the fact that Will’s heart beat a little faster when Mike leaned into him as he laughed. It would never erase the fact that Will had kissed those lips in the unforgiving shadows of night’s darkness, took a bite from the forbidden apple, and had to atone for his sins.

He wished he could truly forget about the kiss like Mike was apparently succeeding at doing. Mike was perfectly fine today and maybe it was unfair of Will to assume so—Mike was visibly affected by whatever his thoughts were yesterday before the two almost kisses and that type of reaction couldn’t be erased in a single night—but he wished he could be alright, too. His mom had often praised him for his active imagination, joining in with his games at Castle Byers and supporting everything he drew, but for now, what she praised was becoming more of a hindrance for him.

Mike eventually noticed that Will wasn’t quite paying attention anymore. He shut the comic closed and turned to fully face him with a serious look drawn on his face. “Will,” he spoke firmly, “we need to talk about it.”

“We do _ not_.” Will retorted, reaching for the comic but Mike pulled it away and settled it on his other side. “Michael, I’m not in the mood for games today.”

“And neither am I, so stop playing.” Mike sighed heavily and pulled his hair back from his forehead with a groan. “Look, we kissed last night and...it was fine, okay? It was fine.”

“Fine.” Will felt like he was dying and Mike thought it was _ fine_. “Glad to hear it but I thought we agreed _ not _ to talk about it.”

Will tried to reach over Mike to grab the comic but Mike twisted and grabbed Will’s hand and shoved him away, causing him to topple onto his back and coincidentally drag Mike down with him. Mike caught himself with his hands braced on the mattress on either side of Will’s face and _ fuck_, life really had it out for him, didn’t it? Pinned under his crush and confused about what to do with himself knowing his secret couldn’t be denied any further. Mike looked really beautiful though, hair falling wildly over his face and lips parted in a gasp from the initial yank.

“Will,” he started hesitantly, eyes falling to Will’s lips and no, no, no, he couldn’t do this again, not in broad daylight, not with El only a room away, not with both their parents wide awake chatting in the living room.

“Mike, don’t,” he pleaded, “you don’t know what you’re _ doing_.”

Mike cocked his head to the side. “I don’t?”

And he really didn’t and probably wouldn’t ever know because Will would rather die than tell Mike that the kiss was more than some stupid game. “You can’t kiss someone and act like it doesn’t mean anything.”

“Should I remind you that _ you’re _ the one who said we should forget about it?” Mike frowned. “I don’t want to forget about it.”

“What does that mean, Mike? What do you want?”

The boy pursed his lips with thought and then deflated. “I don’t know.”

Great. Will was a _ rebound_. That was somehow even worse. Will reached a hand up to Mike’s face and turned him so they were facing each other again. “You’re my friend, Mike, but friends don’t do this. Especially _ male _ friends. I don’t want to lose you as a friend.”

“You won’t, ever.”

“You don’t know that.”

Mike pulled back. “I _ do _ know that. I do know that I can’t imagine you as anything but my friend.”

Will tensed and looked away. “Get off me.”

“Will.”

“I’m not gonna be the person you turn to when you wanna suck face with someone because El’s mad at you!” Will scrambled his way out from under Mike and growled. “This is _ serious_, Mike. You were panicked just thinking about it last night, puking and hyperventilating because yeah, it’s not _ natural _ to want to kiss a boy if you haven’t noticed! But now, now today you wanna—!” Will threw up his hands. “I’m not doing this.” _ I’m not going to let you play with my heart like this. _

Mike sat back with a tightened jaw. “It’s just kissing.”

“Yeah, you were my _ first _ kiss, Michael! My first!” Will could feel his throat tightening with anger, eyes burning with resignation and defeat. “Maybe it doesn’t mean anything since you’ve been kissing El since you were 12 but it meant something to me!”

“You kissed me!”

“Because you wanted it!” Will gasped, feeling the tears pooling in his eyes. “And I don’t even know why! _ You _ don’t even know why! Whatever happened last night was sick and twisted and you want to play with fire and continue getting burned but I don’t want that! I don’t _ want _ this!”

To be more accurate, Will didn’t want this the way it was happening. He wanted Mike like no one else, he gave Mike the chance to have him too, but not like this. Mike’s face was empty, void almost, and his eyes were trained on his hands as he sat down properly on the bed. It took a moment, a moment filled with Will’s heavy breathing and Mike’s shallow breaths, but he spoke up, quiet yet firm. “Will, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just—I think I want it.”

“You don’t.” Will’s voice was rough and he sounded more like he was really trying to convince himself more than anything else. “You’re confused after we spent so much time together over the summer after Starcourt and you don’t know what to do to keep people at your side except kissing them apparently.” Will scoffed. “You’re not going to take that confusion out on me.”

Mike looked up with anger flaring in his expressive brown eyes. “You don’t know shit about what I’m thinking. You don’t know _ shit_. And just because I can’t put words to...to whatever the hell is going on, that doesn’t mean I’m—I’m incapable of making a decision that I _ want_, not projecting bullshit.” He climbed off the bed and snatched the comics they were reading from atop the blankets. Will could see the beginnings of tears in Mike’s eyes and he wanted to apologize but the words wouldn’t come. “I know it’s wrong, I _ fucking _ know, okay? My dad won’t let me forget. And I thought if I was going crazy, too, then—,” The boy squeezed his eyes shut and when he opened them, the anger was gone but the darkness Will had seen when he first saw Mike the day before. “Whatever. See you at dinner.”

Will wished he spoke up. He wished he had told Mike to stay, to hold on just a second longer and explain what he thought, what he was about to say before he cut himself off. He only watched the boy leave and tried his best not to immediately start crying the moment the door slammed shut.

His best wasn’t good enough.

Crying was _ exhausting_. Will has done enough for a lifetime and then some just in the past two years. He has done enough on the day already but the sobs racked his body and ate at his throat until he was blubbering into his blanket and trying to calm down but he couldn’t. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t like Mike. He couldn’t make Mike confused like this, either. For the first time, Will was happy that he moved away from Hawkins. Something evil simmered in the shadowy trails leading into the Upside Down, but something just as sinister boiled inside Will’s chest and spilled over onto Mike in the meantime.

“I’m so sorry,” he cried into the emptiness of his room, “I didn’t mean to. _ I didn’t mean to—,_”

Will couldn’t say it aloud—_I didn't mean to like him—_the dreaded truth that eroded his heart away until the pain bled into everything else, but for now, under the sun’s all knowing gaze, he could apologize for his sins. He could acknowledge that he knew he was disgusting for feeling this way but find relief in making sure Mike didn’t as well.

Dinner that night of course was an awkward event. Mike refused to speak to Will but Will was avoiding him anyway. El was unnerved by the tension but she lightened up on Mike and chatted with him more to fill the silence. Both his mom and Karen voiced concern about Will and Mike’s silence but Mike smiled that fake smile of his that coerced everyone and said, “Will and I have talked enough on the day. I wanna talk with everyone else too!”

Mike went back to the motel with his mom and Nancy and El turned on Will the moment the Wheeler’s car backed out the driveway and disappeared down the road.

“Why are you and Mike fighting?” El crossed her arms angrily. “I thought you two made up.”

“We’re not fighting,” shot back Will with a snort. “He just misses being with you is all.”

“Are you...do you not want that?” Her voice was timid and careful and Will hated it.

“I want that. I want you two together.” Will was lying through his teeth but he also knew there was some truth to his words. “I want you both to be happy.”

El grinned. “I’m glad.” She turned to the road with a sigh. “I’m sorry I was mad that he wanted to spend time with you. It’s just...he was with you a lot during the summer after the mall closed down and I wanted time, too.”

“Mike is notoriously bad at time management.”

They both laughed at that and El moved in for a hug. Her voice was muffled against his chest. “I know it’s hard to not have him here. I just want all of us to have fun together. Not be angry.”

Will smiled and squeezed El a little tighter. “Tomorrow when we go out to the mall, we’ll have tons of fun.”

“Yes. Tons of fun.” El smiled and Will could understand for a moment why Mike liked her so much. Why he loved her. Why he tried to find a replacement in Will.

Will wouldn’t let Mike do that to himself or Will. Mike didn’t like him that way, Mike couldn’t like him that, Mike _ wouldn’t _ be tainted by Will.

Sleep was fitful but mostly dreamless. His mind was a calm ocean when he woke, light pulls of the moon edging various thoughts to the forefront of his mind every so often. It was calming, a drastic change to the day before. Mike came over for breakfast and for Will’s mom to drive the three kids over afterwards. He was mostly silent during the meal, giving Will a nod of acknowledgment and El a small smile as he greeted them both. El gave Will a worried look but Will merely shrugged. He felt a little guilty for how he talked to Mike the day before, but he knew he had to stop things if Mike was only doing this because he couldn’t be with El at the moment.

The mall itself was also fun enough. Mike’s mood improved immensely at the prospect of food court meals and shopping for souvenirs for the rest of the Party still in Hawkins. Mike stayed close to El but occasionally gave Will glances when he thought Will wouldn’t notice him. Will tried his best not to think about the glances; it wasn’t as if he had broken _ Mike’s _ heart with their argument yesterday. He pushed Mike away and basically said it was never gonna happen. He broke his own heart, stupidly at that, but it was necessary. Mike would get over it once he started mooning over El again as he typically did.

The trio hung out eating ice cream sundaes and chatting about random topics that interested them as they passed by stores. El wanted to try on various outfits and show them off to the boys, so when she found a store with bright colored dresses and crazy designs embroidered on shirts, she dragged Will and Mike inside to assess her outfits. Mike sat by the door with a low hum, literally twiddling his thumbs as he avoided all eye contact with Will, who stood across the way on the other side of the door.

“Hey,” Will started after El showed off the third outfit of the day and Mike had made some noncommittal noise in turn when she went back into the dressing room, “I’m sorry about yesterday.”

Mike looked up with raised eyebrows. “What for?”

Sometimes Will couldn’t tell if Mike was that obtuse or simply wanted Will to say exactly what he was sorry for. Maybe both. “For yelling at you. For saying those things.”

“Nah, you were right.” Brown eyes looked toward where El was changing in. “I was being stupid. I thought I knew something but I didn’t. Not enough at least. I don’t know.” He held his head in his hands and groaned. “This shit is so _ confusing _, but you were right. I shouldn’t take it out on you.”

“Or El.”

Mike nodded. “Or El.” He smiled at the changing room door. “I think I’m gonna ask her out again. Tomorrow, during Thanksgiving. It’s pretty apt, right? A day dedicated to family, and asking her to be in my family again as my girlfriend. That works.”

Will wasn’t jealous, he absolutely was _ not_. “That’s cute, Mike; I always knew you were a romantic.”

“I asked her out the first time on Valentine’s Day, too, so really, it’s no surprise.” Mike laughed warmly and grinned up at Will. “I’m glad we’re okay, dude.”

Will could only smile back. “Me too.”

El was enthusiastic when Mike shyly dropped the question early in the morning the next day, and Will tried his best not to grimace when she leaned up on her toes to kiss Mike, kiss the same lips he had kissed just two days prior. Will really needed to stop thinking about that kiss before it drove him _ crazy_. And at that, everything _ clicked _ and Will felt so stupid and horrible and—Mike thought he was going crazy and they said they would go crazy together, _ fuck_. No wonder Mike was so upset, so frazzled and confused, and Will just shut him down and told Mike he was _ wrong for liking him _ in a futile attempt to protect his own heart.

_ Shit_, Will thought as he watched El and Mike hold hands from across the room. He _ had _ it, he had the opening but he was too scared and disgusted by himself to take it. And now, Mike was with El again and they were happy but Will broke both his _ and _ Mike’s hearts by being a full blown idiot.

What Will wanted most of all was over before it even really started.

Thanksgiving ‘85 was the absolute worst. Between watching Mike feed El and coddle her and knowing that he had hurt Mike as much as he hurt himself, Will wasn’t really in the mood for family bonding. The Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade was fun as usual, and Nancy and Jonathan kept pointing out various floats for El to understand, but Will kept looking at Mike next to El and wondering how the hell he could have gotten all of Mike’s signs so _ wrong_. How the reality of them being a couple slipped through his fingers with the ease of air and dried up faster than water in a desert.

Fucking hell.

When the Wheelers went back to Hawkins that night, Mike went in for the hug with Will and squeezed him so tightly it almost hurt. Will hugged him back just as tight though, and tried to stay in the embrace for as long as Mike would allow. The hug lasted for quite a while even though the Byers had agreed to come down to Hawkins for Christmas next month. Something about this particular goodbye signaled Will losing more than he had with the initial move. The move opened up new possibilities between him and Mike but this goodbye was slamming the door shut on _ all _ of them.

Mike called the house the moment he got back home, but he spent most of the time on the phone with El and Will couldn’t stomach that. Mike called every week for the next three weeks and Will only got a few words most of the time whenever Mike called. It didn’t really matter though; Will had finals to study for and he had made a couple of new friends that he wanted to spend more time with anyway. It helped him forget about the kiss, forget about his feelings for Mike, forget about the fact that he liked boys. It was something he needed, this distraction, in order to finally maybe get over Mike once and for all.

And then Mike called for Will about a week before Christmas Day.

“Hey,” Will answered hesitantly, hoping he didn’t sound so surprised on the line.

“Will,” breathed Mike and he sounded so...so _ weak _. Will immediately grew concerned and leaned in closer to the receiver for a semblance of privacy. “I know you and El are getting ready to make it down here but my plans have kinda changed.”

“What?”

“Yeah, I, uh, I’m not gonna be at the house.” Mike coughed and then murmured something that Will couldn’t quite catch but it didn’t sound like it was intended for him to hear anyway. “None of my family is really in Hawkins right now. Uh, and the Party is, well, we’re okay. As a whole, we’re fine. I just think it would be better for you and El to visit when we can all greet you, you know? Traveling is expensive and El told me about the money pinches and I just don’t want Mrs. Byers to stress herself out over things when we don’t even know, uh, when I’m coming back.”

“Coming back? Where are you?”

“On a bit of a school trip?” Mike laughed hoarsely. “Well, it’s for school at least. Don’t worry about it. I’m fine. Going to be fine. Whatever. Point is, we can reschedule for next Christmas. I know it’s a year away, but, like—give me like, five more minutes this call is important, okay? Yes, I know. I’ll pay the extra fee! _ Yes _. Thank you.” More shuffling on the line. “Sorry about that, calls here are timed and I hit up the Party before you.”

“Did they agree to me and El not coming down?”

Mike coughed again. “Yeah. They agree that it’d be best to wait. Dustin suggested a fun spring break trip. I think summer would be good.”

Will didn’t know what to say. El had been excited for days about the upcoming trip back to see all their friends. Canceling it now with so little notice was worrisome. “Are you sure you’re okay, Mike? I’m sure we’ll be okay to meet you the next time we come down to visit. You know El is super excited.”

“Yeah, I know she is, I know this and I feel so fucking _ horrible _ for not being there but I didn’t fucking expect this and I just—,” Mike cut himself off. “Look, you can call the others and ask them about it but trust me, it’ll be a lot better if you all come down later. Now’s not good.” There was more murmuring and Mike came back to the line with a sigh. “I have to go now but, uh, I miss you a ton, man. I’m sorry about this.”

The line went dead and Will stood in silence wondering what the hell was happening back in Hawkins that got Mike canceling the trip. Was it something with the Upside Down? The gate was closed and the Russians were gone; there shouldn’t be any issues like that anymore. Will quickly punched in Lucas’ number and chewed at his thumb nail as he waited for someone to answer.

“Hello, this is the Sinclair residence, may I ask who is calling?”

“Lucas,” Will laughed, “it’s me, Will.”

“Will! Oh wow, Mike said you might call.” Will raised an eyebrow but felt a little relief in how nonchalant Lucas sounded. “It’s been so long since we last talked! Don’t forget that we exist now.”

“Hey, I’m sorry, I wanted to be a little surprise for Christmas but Mike said I should cancel coming over.”

Lucas coughed on the line. “Oh, right. Yeah. Yeah, it’s not the, you know, Upside Down or anything. It’s just, Mike is away and his whole family is gone, too, and me, Dustin and Max are going out to visit him so no one is gonna be in town for Christmas.”

“El and I can come over, too. We’ll just meet you wherever Mike is.”

“Visitor limitations.” Lucas sighed. “Dude, I _ wish _ you could come with us, like, I genuinely think you should be here but the timing is all sorts of bad and I think your winter break will be better spent at home having a grand old time with your family, you know?”

“You guys are my family, too.”

“You should have told Mike that, not me. He needs that reminder right about now.”

Something wasn’t right. Something was _ very _ wrong and Will was sure his mom wouldn’t mind driving down to Hawkins to check in even if they didn’t stay for the holidays as planned. “What’s wrong with him, Lucas? He said he’s gonna be fine like he isn’t already. Called it a school trip, too.”

“Well, yeah I guess it _ is _ a school trip. But he will be fine!” Lucas hesitated for a moment before continuing. “It’s just bad timing, Will. _ Really _ bad timing. We’ll make it up next year, alright?”

“If I need to be there, I’ll be there. You can’t stop me.”

Lucas sighed. “Of course not. And I won’t either, but Mike doesn’t want you or El there. I don’t know why because he loves you guys the most but he was pretty adamant that he doesn’t want to make you two worry and that it’ll make him happiest if you two have your first Christmas as a family in peace rather than stressing about where to stay and how to meet up when no one is around.”

Fucking _ Mike Wheeler _. “It’ll make me and El the happiest to see all of you.”

“Well, you can’t. I’m sorry, I really am. Save the money for a spring break trip, okay? It’ll be totally awesome, especially when it’s not snowing.”

Will laughed a little at that. “You’ll explain everything to me later, right? Because I still don’t know what the hell this trip is and why his whole family is going including you guys. And why he doesn’t want me or El to know.”

“Of course! Don’t worry about it, it’s really not as bad as you think it is.” Will didn’t have a single _ clue _ about what it could be to even think the worst since the Upside Down wasn’t the issue at hand. “I’ll tell you in a few days, yeah? Take care, Will; we’ll talk again soon!”

None of the Party called on Christmas Day. El sat by the phone waiting for it to ring, but nothing came. Will tried to call all the houses but the parents had simply said their kids were on a trip and, as expected, the Wheeler house had no answer. New Year’s Eve came and blended into New Year’s Day and still, nothing was heard from anyone back in Hawkins. Will’s mom started to get worried, too, but she and Jonathan couldn’t take the time off work to manage a date to get to Hawkins before school started and the price of rent for the house they were currently in rose and was a bit more difficult to keep up with. Everyone in the house wanted to get back to Hawkins and check in, but it simply wasn’t a viable option at the time. Bad timing all around it seemed.

Mike eventually called though two weeks into the spring semester just as Will got home from a hang out after school.

“First off, let me tell you I am _ okay_,” Mike started hastily when Will tried to immediately respond to his voice with questions. “Everything is fine, alright? Me and the boys and Max are gonna come up to visit during spring break. Nancy offered to drive us if we get the money together so we’re gonna see you in a couple months.”

“Mike, what the _ hell _ happened? You had me and El so worried, we would have gone straight to Hawkins if we had the damn time.”

“Oh, well, I had some, uh, issues at school so I had to go on a trip.” he replied nonchalantly. “I told you that already, right? Ah, anyway, I guess you could consider it some type of detention thing. It felt like it at least.” Mike laughed a little and Will felt his heart leap in his chest. “They allowed visitors but it was pretty intense so I didn’t wanna bother you and El about it. I hope your Christmas was good! I tried to call, but like I said, calls are timed and I guess I hit my quota for that week.”

Will nodded. “Yeah. Okay. I just...don’t do that again, okay? You had me so worried.”

“I promise.” Mike’s voice was firm, strong, and Will knew all the hard work he’d put in trying to forget about his feelings was gone to the wind. “I can’t wait to see you guys again. I miss you.”

“We miss you, too, Mike.”

The other boy laughed. “When I said you, I meant _ you _ specifically, but I do miss everyone as a whole. I really miss my girlfriend.” A sigh. “I’m really sorry about freaking you guys out. But I’m glad you didn’t come visit. It would have been a waste of your money.”

“Going out to see you is _ never _ a waste, Mike.”

Mike hummed. “Sure. I’ll let you go though; I have a, uh, meeting to go to in a couple minutes. I just wanted to get you on the phone as soon as I could and let you know I’m okay.”

“Take care of yourself, Mike.”

“You too, Will.”

And even though Mike had stated repeatedly that everything was fine, Will couldn’t help but feel like something _ big _ had happened over winter break that he and El weren’t privy to for unexplainable reasons. It wasn’t as if Will wasn’t keeping quiet on some secrets himself, but he hated feeling like everyone else knew something he didn’t. That he knew of, his big secret was something only he and Mike knew, and even then, Mike still didn’t know Will’s feelings as it never became a topic of discussion after Will kinda shut him down. At this point, Will had pretty much assumed Mike thought he didn’t like him like that and maybe things were better that way.

Either way, Will knew he probably wouldn’t get any real answers about winter break until the Party was face to face again, so in the meantime, Will took Mike’s words as they were and trusted that his best friend was truly okay. He smiled to himself, grateful that he managed to catch Mike’s call, and then settled down on the couch to bask in the memory of a kind boy who helped him get to fourth period in room 318 earlier that day.


	6. interlude: the progression

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _On the weekends when the Party would group together and whisper stories in the night until exhaustion took them over, Mike would catch eyes with Will and feel something loosen in his chest at the fact that his best friend was okay. Almost like a rusty screw, untwisting from the hole in Mike’s heart it had screwed itself into as a flimsy patch job and the released pressure would leak relief through his veins. Everyone was safe. Everyone was okay. Will was safe, Will was okay, Will was here. School would come five days a week, El would kiss him every night that week before he biked back home, and the weekend would start anew with the friends he cared about most huddled together with comfort. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **POV: Mike Wheeler**

The first time it happened, Mike didn’t think much of it. It being a multitude of things but mainly focusing on a particular murkiness in the back of his head that lingered after the fact. He had kissed El at the Snowball that night and it was...it was _ nice_. She kissed back that time, too, acknowledged his feelings for her that he had been trying to forget about when he thought she wouldn’t return. He didn’t really understand what the feelings were—a hefty blend of gratitude, affection, care, and confusion about liking a girl for the first time—but he thought they were nice enough to let linger. It was better than facing the gloomy emotions clenching his heart each time he took a breath and remembered the spore-infested tunnels he and the Party had traveled through with Steve. It was better than confronting the panic that took his throat in a tight grip whenever he passed by his middle school whether on a casual drive with his family or at the start of the next semester. No one seemed to notice him choke up in conversation and that was fine for Mike. He didn’t mind no one knowing and besides, the topic of conversation was usually something funny enough to bring his attention back before anyone _ could _ notice in the first place.

The second time it happened, Mike was a bit more concerned about it. It being not a multitude of things but a particular fright that paralyzed him under the shadows brought by night. The happiness he had been basking in since getting El back, spending time with a non-possessed Will, and hanging out with Lucas and Dustin playing video games seemingly vanished with the ease of a puff of cigarette smoke. All that was left behind was the grimy aftertaste staining his emotions a dirty yellow until the brightness found in happy thoughts was muted into black. This was not Mike’s first time having nightmares; no, he had his fair share after Will’s disappearance but this one was different. Nightmares about reliving traumatic events was normal at this point for all the kids. Mike organized sleepovers every other weekend in the year after Will’s return and they each helped each other sleep through the night when nothing else could help. It was his duty to make sure his friends felt safe, so he tried his best; careful not to tiptoe and make anyone feel weak but always keeping an eye out for what could trigger his friends’ new anxieties. Mike knew that Will hated the darkness and needed a nightlight to sleep along with his prescription medications, he knew that Lucas liked holding something in his arms when he slept, he knew that Dustin was still frightened by Mike jumping off the cliff and often liked sitting closer to him when they hung out. He knew that Will hated the cold and wore sweaters everywhere he could, he knew Dustin didn’t like when people mentioned dads so he avoided complaining about his own, he knew Lucas felt immense guilt toward dismissing El only to seemingly lose her and was a great listening ear when Mike felt sad about losing El himself.

Mike _ knew _ his friends. He knew what they needed and put that first, and yet, he sat in the dark with grimy yellow in his thoughts and black ink bleeding down his spine, wondering how he could be so foolish to start having such unrealistic nightmares himself. This fright was based in losing El again, in losing Will, in losing Dustin, Lucas, and Max, too. In knowing all he did about his friends and still not being enough to save them. He nearly lost Will to the Mind Flayer after all just a month ago and El had sacrificed herself (again) to close the gate. He watched Will have the Mind Flayer burned out of him, listened to Will screaming in pain and being unable to do anything to stop it. He watched Bob torn to shreds by the Demodogs and still felt the chills from tunnels rippling down his spine if he thought about it hard enough. All this burrowed deep inside where no one could touch came spilling over mental barriers into his unconscious dreams until they morphed into nightmares and left him gasping for air in the darkness of the night.

This was not a favorable situation. How could Mike be there for his friends when he felt like this? When he let his mind get distracted enough to pull from memories he’d rather not re-experience and force him to relive them in his sleep? The lingering shadows left from the nightmares were given a cursory glance in comparison to the underlying fear Mike felt about being exposed as so overemotional he couldn’t get a grip on his sleep. It was an unfair standard to hold himself to, what with him easily being there for his friends if they had nightmares during their bi-monthly group sleepovers, but he held himself to it anyway. The Party looked up to Mike; they counted on him when Will first disappeared and when Will was possessed. Even if the gate was closed, the horrors of the Upside Down still crawled about their minds. Mike could not afford to be weak in the face of that.

Surprisingly enough, Mike found his support in El. She was separate from everything else; she made him feel something new, something he couldn’t describe in full but he knew it was what he wanted to like, what he _ needed _ to like. She was a way to escape himself despite her presence being an equal reminder of the terrors Mike had faced months prior. It didn’t really matter when he would close his eyes and lean in toward her, press their lips together and take in the soft warmth left by the pressure. He liked kissing El, how the action forced him to close his eyes and not think about anything else but the moment. He liked how she giggled against his lips, made him feel a little fuzzy inside because someone willingly liked him. She didn’t have to like Mike—in his mind, anyone was fair game for her—but she liked _ him _ and it felt so good to be wanted in such a fashion.

A mixtape was playing whenever they kissed the night away, usually something Will gave Mike a long while ago. The songs made Mike hyper; it reminded him when he would spend time in his basement dancing with the Party to the latest hits after finishing a campaign. It was a great combination that left him leaving Hopper’s cabin feeling refreshed and almost invincible. There was no need for stupid nightmares when he had El to turn to, when he had someone who cared for him in a way no one else did and made fresh, new memories that could overlay the bad ones.

But then on the weekends when the Party would group together and whisper stories in the night until exhaustion took them over, Mike would catch eyes with Will and feel something loosen in his chest at the fact that his best friend was okay. Almost like a rusty screw, untwisting from the hole in Mike’s heart it had screwed itself into as a flimsy patch job and the released pressure would leak relief through his veins. Everyone was safe. Everyone was okay. Will was safe, Will was okay, Will was _ here _ . School would come five days a week, El would kiss him every night that week before he biked back home, and the weekend would start anew with the friends he cared about most huddled together with comfort. And if _ it _ happened again, if the nightmares came back and squeezed his throat until tears bled from his eyes, if that sickly yellow painted his scars and left him weary at school the next day, Mike had El to turn to. She liked him no matter what, she wanted him despite the isolation Hopper enforced on her. She wore baggy jeans and Hopper’s old plaid button ups and Mike _ liked _ it. He liked how she made him forget about the nightmares, about the confusion he felt toward her in the first place

Then summer arrived with the blazing, hot warmth of the long lasting sun. Summer was the season for fun, for reviving and maintaining friendships, for spending hours at the newly opened Starcourt mall and bugging Steve Harrington at Scoops’ Ahoy for free entry into the movie theater. So, yes, summer started off pleasant enough. The Party (Max included) would hang out during the day, but Hopper was strict about El not being seen for another six months at least thanks to government surveillance. They had to wait out a year before allowing her to be fully in the public eye again and summer only brought it to about 7 months. So Mike hung out with El in turn, keeping her company when he could and while she wanted it. Given the fact that isolation was how she lived most her life, Mike couldn’t say he was surprised when she wanted to spend literally all night and day with him. He couldn’t say he didn’t want it either. Or at least want the distraction—_need _ the distraction—to avoid another problem.

Mike liked El. He really did and he cared about her in a way different from everyone else. But at the end of the day when he biked from Hopper’s cabin and let the summer breeze cool the sweat on his neck, he found his thoughts easily wandering. Those thoughts wandered to that screw in his heart, the one that released itself whenever he made eye contact with Will. How the release of relief wasn’t only relief even if he never wanted to admit it. He could still taste the tears in his mouth from that night; the night in the shed where Will almost lost to the Mind Flayer. He could hear his own voice echoing repeatedly in his head. _ You said yes, you said yes, you said yes _ like a mantra, each syllable timed to the beat of his slow, uneven pedalling. How could Mike ever forget his own vulnerability in that moment? The way his heart skipped a beat at the mere thought that this could be the end? Mike recalled a day he kept so dear to his heart in hopes that Will would remember it, too. And Will _ did _ and it saved him for just a moment longer and Mike knew, he knew then and there, that something was different. The hole in his heart made weary in the 3 days he had spent by Will’s side could only be filled by one thing and one thing only: Will’s own affection.

Mike tried, he really did. He tried to fill that hole with other things, with D&D campaigns and Saturday evenings at the arcade, with El’s lips against his own and Dustin’s leg pressed up against his during a TV reruns morning at the Sinclair’s. The screw worked but it hurt; it hurt every day until he could look into Will’s eyes and have concrete confirmation that the other boy was alive. He tried to ignore how the brunt of his nightmares focused on Will’s own misery, on how he snapped awake to the echo of Will’s cries in the back of his head. He would kiss El more furiously on those days, desperate to cling to reality and ignore how much he’d rather be side-by-side with Will doing nothing as reruns of _ Cheers _ aired. And once—but once turned out to be enough to start a bigger problem—Mike’s thoughts dipped into more than sitting side-by-side, drifted into mindless daydreams where his hands fisted in short, soft hair and his lips kissed away a smile he had memorized since he before he could read. He tried to tell himself it was El but deep down he knew better. He knew that when he closed his eyes he wasn’t thinking of her anymore and that was frightening.

Mike Wheeler was scared. He was scared of his own mind, of his own thoughts, of his own _ desires_. Scared of filling that hole with what it wanted, scared of admitting there was even a hole in the first place. He didn’t want to need something. He was Michael Wheeler, paladin and Dungeon Master, de facto leader of the Party. He had survived a living nightmare, he had helped get his best friend back and got a girlfriend in the process. He didn’t need anything more, but he certainly wanted it and that frightened him more than anything. That drove him to need El for distraction and that need drove him away from his friends.

By the end of June, the weekend sleepovers were a thing of the past. No one particularly mentioned how the absence slowly crept into their routine as much as the sleepovers had originally crept into their routine in the first place. Mike found himself waking up from more nightmares, neck peppered with goosebumps as he stared across his room at the walkie talkie he often felt he didn’t have the right to use. It was an interesting jumble of feelings he felt toward the device, how it morphed from a way to maintain close contact with his best friends to the sole means of communication Mike had with El whenever Hopper half-kicked him out the cabin. The machine was different and Mike was different too through his relationship with it. He couldn’t rely on childish crutches any longer; he wouldn’t allow himself to at the very least given the direction his thoughts had taken.

It was time to grow up.

Dustin’s return from Camp Knowhere managed to bring the Party together soon enough. Reuniting to organize a surprise welcome back party brought old party dynamics to the forefront which was a relief for Mike while confusion riddled his brain more often than not. Over the Party’s many years of friendship, the Wheeler basement had become home base for activities ranging from D&D nights to sleepovers and everything in between. Grouping together to organize a surprise for Dustin meant coming over to the Wheeler house and when Mike opened the door to let his friends in, it struck him how they hadn’t come to visit in a while. Seeing Lucas and Will laughing between themselves about an inside joke as they descended down the stairs to the basement made something in Mike’s chest tighten. He suddenly missed this tight-knit friendship with a deep urge. This bond between the five of them had yet to be broken despite the neglect Mike very well could admit he had partaken in, even if he wasn’t going to voice that aloud if he could help it.

El was able to come over as well which was an absolute blast. She hadn’t seen much of anyone else during the summer so far so a lot of the first hour of planning wasn’t really planning and was mostly catching El up on what everyone else had been doing over the summer. Mike tried to ignore how he immediately went to sit next to Will on the couch as everyone else settled about the room. It was a subconscious thing: finding Will and commanding his legs to take him to the other boy no matter who or what was in his way. It was only after he sat down and heard Will’s small _ hey _ that Mike realized he hadn’t even thought about his actions, it was just second nature. As the party planning commenced, Mike found himself very distracted by Will’s leg pressed up against his. He couldn’t ignore how Will leaned into him a little when talking to Max, who was on Mike’s other side sitting on the arm of the couch. Mike kept his eyes tuned on El as he internally battled the emotions and thoughts brought by his proximity to Will. Lucas caught on pretty quickly and called Mike out for his staring. He playfully begged Mike to stop making heart eyes at El for the minute it would take to check out the sketches for the banner they had moved on to discussing. The sketches were drawn by Will and it wasn’t masterful or anything along those lines, simply drawing out where they would paint the text and what colorful patterns they wanted to use to decorate the rest of the banner.

Mike knew this. He knew these sketches weren’t anything to write home about but as he turned to face Will fully as the boy at his side leaned in a little more so he could share the designs, Mike was caught in a thought about how much better Will’s drawings had become. Just from a drawing as simple as a banner design sketch. There was something about having been by Will’s side for so long, watching him constantly draw their D&D characters and random landscapes from nights in the forest—didn’t Will mention once before that he wanted to perfect his landscape drawings?—and being able to notice his artistic skills progress this much. Mike still had drawings plastered on the walls of the basement and his eyes flickered up to one near the couch with a memory-laden smile on his lips. Mike then realized how he hadn’t seen any of Will’s recent sketches this summer, which was perhaps why seeing this banner sketch set off so many emotions inside him.

Will looked up at him with curiosity in his eyes and his head tilted oh-so-gently to the side, a crooked smile on his lips as he awaited Mike’s approval, and Mike felt like throwing up from the intense emotions that slammed through his chest and burbled up his throat. Everything in his life sickeningly jostled sideways; everything about who he thought he was left his mind as empty as a desert until all he could think about was the one emotion that _ wasn’t _ relief which he only felt when he looked at Will. The one emotion that built the daydream he didn’t want to think about. Mike couldn’t put a name to the feeling but it lived alongside the fact he wanted Will’s affection and it screamed in his soul that his want for that affection was rooted in where exactly his own desires toward Will stood in the scheme of things.

There were basic facts about life such as the sky is blue and one plus one equals two. There were simple facts about people, too. Mike hated athletic activity and would rather keel over and die than have to participate in any extracurricular sport. Mike’s mom and dad didn’t really talk anymore to the point where Mike had trouble remembering the last time he saw the two together in a room when it wasn’t dinnertime and when they weren’t arguing. Nancy was often annoyed when she came back from her internship at the paper downtown. There were facts that were proven true despite the contrary belief. Things like tax cuts for the rich didn’t actually help anyone _ but _ the rich. Defunding health care services to move money toward military spending didn’t actually help the average citizen. And lastly, there were facts that were as undeniable as the sky’s color and basic addition but they were treated more like secrets stored deep in places not meant to be explored. Facts such as the fact Mike wanted Will's affection because he wanted _ his own _ to be returned.

It was probably a very inappropriate time to come to this conclusion—what with the Party waiting for his response on Will’s drawing—and though Mike mindlessly agreed and got the conversation back on track, he still couldn’t stop thinking about it. His mind was trained on Will’s closeness with an intensity he didn’t want and the nausea that followed was so intense, he had to lean back against the couch and close his eyes. That of course made Will concerned so he leaned in closer to Mike, which made Mike feel more sick as his eyes subconsciously danced down to Will’s moving lips. He was grateful though that Will wasn’t much of a touchy person as Mike probably would have jumped out of his seat and ran upstairs if Will laid a hand on him.

When the meeting ended, El went back to the cabin with Lucas and Max while Will stayed behind after Karen invited him for the sake of having company. Mike frankly didn’t want to see Will for another second but Nancy was excited to see Will again and spent most of dinner asking him about how his summer went and how Ms. Byers was doing. The conversation gave Mike the chance to distract himself with his meal and ignore whatever tension his parents were exuding from across the table. Will always looked so comfortable sitting at the Wheeler’s table and Mike found it a tad too enjoyable seeing his best friend so at place amongst the rest of his family. Will was always a welcome presence, all of the Party was without a doubt, but Mike couldn’t stop thinking about how natural it was for him to picture Will at the table every night. This was a thought he never had about El who was still something of a secret, would _ always _ be a secret as long as she had to hide who she truly was concerning her past and her powers.

Mike took the opportunity to bike Will back to the Byers to get some fresh air even though he would be spending the next ten minutes with the reason behind his turmoil. His mom reminded him not to linger, his sister told him to pass along a hello to Ms. Byers, and his dad grumbled wordlessly from the head of the table while reading his newspaper. The bike ride itself was calm and mostly silent, letting the wind say what she needed between the two. Mike spared a glance toward his friend ahead of him and biked over a pebble in the process after catching the way the breeze tousled his hair back from his face. Mike was so screwed, so fucking _ screwed _. They talked once during the ride to confirm plans for sneaking into the theater to watch Day of the Dead before Dustin returned and Mike didn’t allow himself to speak more than affirmatives, both to keep himself from saying anything that could be detrimental to their friendship and also because he was a bit winded from the ride anyway.

Ms. Byers was grateful as ever that Mike returned Will safely and mentioned in passing that it had been a while since she last saw Mike in the first place. Mike felt a little guilty about how the summer had passed but he could do little to change it at this point. Even still, when Will went inside after a soft _ see you later _ and equally gentle wave goodbye, Mike was struck with the urge to find El and reaffirm whatever was happening between them. Reaffirm that El was his girlfriend and he liked _ her _ and whatever affection he wanted from and had for Will wasn’t the same type he had from and for El. It wasn’t the same at all, it shouldn’t be the same. And when Mike returned home to find his dad ranting to his mom about how the military’s continued discharge of homosexuals was bettering the defensive powers of America, telling her how if it wasn’t war that would kill them then “nature’s revenge on gay men” as Bucannan said certainly would, Mike knew it _ couldn’t _ be the same.

But then, Day of the Dead came and Mike was late from spending time reasserting himself with El, a little sore over her shutting him down when he started to sing but happy enough that he knew what he had to do to keep her happy and satisfy himself in turn. He was late and it was because of his girlfriend—not reliving dumb nightmares—and everything this summer was fine. Dustin was coming back tomorrow, the Party could reunite in full, and the last two months of summer could continue forth in comfort. To complicate matters, a power surge took out the lights in the venue and Mike immediately turned to Will beside him, prepared to deal with whatever the other boy might be feeling. He’d dealt with this before, he knew how to handle Will in the dark, and he would be a horrible friend if he ignored what Will needed. He ended up being a horrible friend anyway when his eyes dance across Will’s lips as he checked in on him but no one had to know. Mike could ignore this, he could ignore it all.

Ignore it all until El broke up with him and suddenly reality came falling down with an ugly crash that twisted Mike’s gut until he felt like vomiting. This was not supposed to happen. She wasn’t supposed to be out and about, she wasn’t supposed to be looking as she did now, she wasn’t the El Mike had spent all summer mooning over. Maybe that was telling but Mike could care less at this point, he was livid that everything was falling apart and slipping through his fingers and he couldn’t catch a single falling piece. He leaned on Lucas for support, hashed out angry narratives he’s heard his dad spew before whenever he was mad at his mom, and tried his very best to continue his games of ignorance because it was bliss, glorious bliss, to focus on everything but the truth.

The truth revealed itself as usual. Will was angry, angry at Mike for the first time in a while, and Mike knew it was his fault. In hindsight, his constant obsession with El this summer was bound to have consequences when it came to the Party but he couldn’t find it in him to care at the time. Not when El was the one person keeping Mike’s brain from festering in nightmares and filthy yellow, from wasting away in thoughts about his best friend that he shouldn’t be having. Mike was doing what he was _ supposed _ to be doing: having a girlfriend and spending time with her and getting over the childish games he often associated with Will in the first place. He needed her because he couldn’t need what he wanted. What he wanted wasn’t something he was supposed to want; it wasn’t his fault that he felt this way, it wasn’t his fault that what he felt wasn’t what he was supposed to be feeling, _ it wasn’t his fault_!

And Will called El stupid and everything bubbled over in the worst way possible. It was wrong to take out his own frustrations about growing up on Will but he did so anyway. He passed the blame along because not everything was his fault, it couldn’t be all him when Will was, well, the source of his own issues. Watching Will’s face crumble, seeing the pain and shock in his eyes once the words were out Mike’s mouth, hurt more than anything else and Mike tried to explain himself but he was still so _ angry_. Angry at the world and himself for being called out on the behavior he had only taken on to hide the truth anyway. Mike couldn’t tell Will the truth, not if he wanted to keep this friendship alive, but when Will revealed that he always thought it would be him and Mike together for the rest of their lives, Mike was struck with the uncomfortable thought that he had ruined things anyway. Hiding himself from Will and lashing out had done more damage than he ever thought it ever would.

When Mike and Lucas found Will at Castle Byers after hearing screaming from that direction, fear and worry filled Mike’s heart as he raced forward despite panting from the effort. In that moment, nothing mattered but Will’s safety and maybe Mike didn’t have the right to that concern given his earlier behavior but that didn’t matter at the moment. Hearing that the Mind Flayer was truly back was enough to warrant further worry on the situation currently unfolding compared to the one before. Besides, Mike didn’t mind not needing to explain himself from that entire argument quite yet; he was still afraid to ruin things more by revealing the motivations he didn’t even want to analyze. At the pool and in the hospital, he tried to fix things with El. In the cabin, he tried to keep her alive and prove to everyone that she was it for him. She _ had _ to be it for him. Even still, the words tasted ashy in his mouth and slippery off his tongue in the cabin and the pure fear of her even hearing him actually say that he loved her was enough to leave him an awkward, blubbering mess in the supermarket refusing to say the l-word itself to her face.

By the end of the battle, when the Mind Flayer and the Flayed monster were defeated and the knowledge that El’s powers were gone and Hopper had sacrificed himself, Mike felt more like an empty husk of a human than anything else. His mom was waiting for him with the ambulances outside the mall, tears pooling in her eyes as yet again her son was caught in another debacle that required emergency services. Mike didn’t know what to tell her outside of the half-lie about a fire taking down the mall. He wasn’t even sure he was physically able to say more than that from a mentality standpoint anyway, let alone what government officials told him he was allowed to say. His stomach churned until he felt like throwing up; he couldn’t stop remembering how the Flayed felt under his fingers when he yanked a piece of it off El’s leg and he especially couldn’t get the sight of El excising the chunk of the Flayed in her leg out of his mind. He couldn’t stop thinking about the Mind Flayer spearing Billy, about how close El was to being killed just an hour ago. He couldn’t stop thinking about his argument with Will, how he continued to make things worse by not running up to him and apologizing but he _ couldn’t _. What would he say? Would Will even accept an apology right now? Was it too late to fix things? Mike didn’t know and the confusion about where he stood with his closest friend made his nausea even worse.

Later that night once Mike returned home after interviews with CIA and FBI agents, it happened again. It being a multitude of things centering on a particular fright that paralyzed him under the dark truths he would not allow to come to light. Murky yellow, ashy black, and vicious red painted his inner lids until he woke up gasping with his legs tangled in heavy blankets. This time, he darted toward the radio across his room, fingers quaking as he turned the knob from the frequency he shared with El to the one he shared with Will and pressed the intercom button with a shaky breath. It took 42 seconds for Mike to finally say something—he counted the seconds in an attempt to calm his breathing—and when he did, it wasn’t what he had prepared himself to say in any manner. Not at that moment at least.

“I’m so _ sorry_.”

Mike released the button and placed the receiver back on his dresser with a choked back gasp, clutching his fingers tightly with one hand as he stared and questioned his words. An apology was something he should deliver face-to-face, not through radio waves in the middle of the night with no preface to his words. Still, Mike jumped when the radio crackled to life and he heard the soft and sleepily dulcet tones of his friend melt through the speakers.

“Mike,” Will started with a yawn and Mike smiled so stupidly, god, he thought he had ruined _ everything_, “don’t worry about it, alright? Go to sleep, today’s been long. Over.”

Mike grabbed the radio with a quickness. “No, no, it’s not alright. Don’t—don’t let me get away with this. Please.”

“What?” Will shuffled on the line. “What are you apologizing for then? I thought you were talking about Hopper and my mo—_oh _.”

Mike felt his throat tighten up but he let the words come out anyway. “I drew first blood and then basically just...threw a bomb on it, too. And I’m _ sorry_. I wasn’t thinking. I was a complete asshole and I didn’t mean to be, I just...I don’t _ know _but I’m so sorry for what I said.”

“Mike, please,” interrupted Will with an emotion in his voice that Mike couldn’t remember hearing before. “I don’t want to talk about it right now. I just want to sleep and forget about the Mind Flayer and the Flayed and...and everything else.”

“I can’t forget about what I said and how I hurt you, Will.”

“Forget it for tonight, then. Do what you need but I don’t want to talk with you about this right now. Over and out.”

The line went dead and Mike stared at his receiver with a low, irritating hum buzzing in his chest. He couldn’t have assumed Will was going to up for talking about something as impactful as that argument was—especially if it led to him destroying Castle Byers—but Mike still felt a little bitter that Will wanted him to _ forget _ about it. Mike had spent all his last semester in middle school and all of the summer so far trying to forget and look where that got him? Girlfriendless and in a rough patch with his best friends (as he couldn’t forget how he hurt Dustin by ditching him with El the day he came back despite the work the Party put in to surprise him at his arrival). That night, Mike resolved to bike to the Byers’ house that morning and apologize face-to-face to Will before heading over to Dustin on the way back home. He had to fix what he had destroyed through his actions; he had to be the leader he claimed he was, be the leader the Party trusted him to be, and face his problems head on.

In the morning, Mike’s mom spent a good hour pampering him and making sure he was okay after the events of the night before. Mike tried to brush her off but she was insistent on having a family wide breakfast and catching up on how everyone’s summers went. She seemed nervous as if hiding a secret and for a moment, Mike wondered if she really knew what went down at Starcourt. Before he could ask her for details about her summer at the pool, his dad started up his daily rant about budget cuts and how his paycheck was being affected and how costly his own kids were and even if he never explicitly said so, both Nancy and Mike knew those unspoken words like the back of their hands. Mike hated it. He hated seeing his mom forced to clench her jaw as she tried to keep a smile on her face and he hated seeing Nancy fork her eggs with a little more force than necessary. He hated feeling worthless and pointless sitting at the table knowing his dad cared the most about Holly than anyone else in the family, enough that Mike disappeared for days in ‘84 and spent the night in a mall that literally caught on _ fire _ and his dad didn’t think to question how Mike was faring.

“I’m going to visit my friends,” spat Mike once his dad’s ramblings strayed toward CPAC quotes and Paul Cameron infused rhetoric. “I’ll be out all day.”

“Have fun!” his mom cheered sweetly, eyes soft with love as she watched him head upstairs. “Tell the boys they are welcome to come over when they want, especially after last night.”

Her tag was meant to be something for his dad to pick up on, but Mike could feel the disappointment in his mom’s breath caused by his dad’s lack of questioning from even upstairs where he wasn’t anywhere close to her. Mike quickly dressed and grabbed his bike from the garage before biking his way down to the Byers’ residence. He hoped Will was there or at least willing to be woken up if he wasn’t already. Part of Mike wanted to turn on his radio and call ahead of time but he wanted to be a surprise and to not give Will the chance to say no. Mike couldn’t let this fester, he wouldn’t let Will stay this mad at him. He knew how much he hurt the other boy as it hurt him too, and the rest of the summer didn’t deserve to be wrought with tension thanks to Mike’s stupidity.

Mike placed his bike down in the dirt and sprinted to the Byers’ door with a little huff in his breath. He knocked three times and heard Will call out, which made Mike smile despite himself. When the door opened, Will blinked twice and shut the door before Mike could get a word out.

“Will?” he yelled, knocking again. “Will? I’m here to talk!”

“I said I don’t want to talk about it, Mike.”

“You said not _ then_, which is fair because it was, like, 3 am, but seriously,” He leaned against the door and sighed. “I need to apologize to you.”

“Did Lucas send you down here?”

Mike balked. “No! I’m here of my own volition, dude. I drew first blood, I’m here to shake on it, and then we’ll go pick up Dustin and hang out.”

“Go talk to Dustin first then.”

“What? I’d be backtracking to get back here to pick you up.”

“I’m _ really _ not in the mood for talking to you, Mike. Can you let me have this moment alone without you hovering?”

“I—hovering?” Mike took a step back from the door. If there was one thing he absolutely did not want to do, it was hovering and making any of his friends uncomfortable with his protectiveness. “Alright. Fine. I’ll just...yeah, I’ll go.”

“Wait.” The door slowly opened and Will stood in the doorway wearing a t-shirt and boxers, a scowl on his face as he looked up at Mike. “El is staying here since the cabin got destroyed and Hopper is...well, he didn’t make it back.” Will motioned behind him. “I’ll go get her and then you two can go get Dustin. I’ll call you when I’m ready to,” he gesticulated mindlessly and then let out a deep sigh. “Ready to accept your apology, I guess.”

“I really do mean it,” Mike blurted, “I am seriously sorry. It wasn’t supposed to come out like that.”

Will’s face hardened. “So, you meant it? You truly meant what you said?”

“Yeah, but...no, not toward you.” Mike rubbed at his face. “Look, I just wanted you to grow up with me and the boys, you know? We’re still a party and okay, yeah, I was being selfish and a complete asshole with how I said it and how I acted all summer, but in the end,” he took a step closer so he could bring his voice down, “I don’t want to lose _ you _ as my best friend.”

“Sorry, only level ten friends have access to the ‘best’ moniker and you’re currently at a zero.” Will snorted. “You can’t take back what you said, Mike. You can’t take back what you meant when you accused me of—,” Will broke eye contact and glared to the side. “You spent all summer ignoring us after spending the year making sure we were safe and that type of whiplash hurts more than just the Party, Mike. It hurts you, too” He motioned to Mike and then chuckled sardonically. “I should probably stay inside today anyway. My mom needs me and you’ve already proven you don’t need me.”

“Wait, Will,”

“Actions speak louder than words, right? Of course you’d come to me today immediately after the Starcourt fiasco when it’s convenient for _ you_. You’ve had the chance to apologize so many times since that night, Mike. We were at the cabin and the hospital for _ hours_ and we had to wait for the pool to clear out to steam the Mind Flayer out of Billy. In the supermarket you didn’t even try to approach me; you didn’t even _ care _ and you still don’t!” Will’s voice strained with emotion and Mike didn’t know what to do. “Do you really think I’m gonna easily tag along with whatever you wanna do just because you said ‘sorry’? Sorry for what Mike; what are you sorry for? For hurting me or for revealing how you really feel about me?”

Mike wasn’t expecting this response at all. He couldn’t even be mad about it; Will had the right to be upset. “I’m sorry for both, Will; I’m sorry for hurting you and taking out my own frustrations on you when you didn’t deserve it, okay? I know I can’t take back what I said and I can’t ask you to not be mad at me but I just...I had to make sure me and El were gonna be okay.”

“And you thought that was more important than seeing if _ we _ were okay? Because you automatically assumed I’d be fine and dandy and not realize how stupid I was for hanging on to the one thing that kept me _ alive _ last year and every day since: our friendship, Mike!” Will’s eyes were filled with tears and Mike felt his own chest constrict with emotion. “You don’t care anymore and that’s fine, I guess; it’s fine that the best thing you’ve ever done doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things but I _ want _ you to care, okay? Maybe it’s stupid but I want you to care about me, about _ us_, again because I still do and I’m tired of being the only one who does.”

“Will, no, no,” Mike took another step forward, “I do care. I care a_ lot _ and that’s the problem.”

Will blinked and then parted his lips. “A lot?”

_ Oh no_. “I mean, like, there’s a balance between how much I care about all the people in my life. And I have to maintain that balance, you know? Take from one and add to others in order to keep it level.”

Will’s face hardened. “So, you actively decided to start caring about me less.”

“No! No, that’s not it at all, _ fuck_,” Mike grabbed at his hair as he started to pace, “Somewhere along the line the balance got tipped way over to the Will Byers side to the point where I was kinda scared to even _ look _ at you in case you’d realize it. And I’ve been trying to edit the balance so it’s all right again, okay? I kinda went overboard and I get that now but whatever, that’s not the point. I just want to make things up to you because you’re my very first friend and you don’t deserve to be treated as anything less.”

Will bit at his bottom lip. “I care about you a lot, too, Mike. Why is it...why is it bad that we care about each other a lot? Why did you make _ me _ feel bad for caring so much?”

Mike stared down at his feet. “I don’t know. It’s just…,” he looked up sheepishly. “It’s scary I guess. To care that much.”

“Yeah.” Will chuckled and crossed his arms. “Yeah, it’s scary. But you’re not alone.”

“I know that now.”

Will shook his head. “You should have never forgotten.”

“Ah,” Mike’s chuckle was a small huff against his smile. “Another apology for that, too.” He shuffled on his feet and cleared his throat. “But, uh, I understand that you’re still angry at me but...could you spare a couple hours out and about for the Party? I’m sure Ms. Byers wouldn’t mind.”

“I’m sure she wouldn’t,” sighed Will as he turned behind him. He hummed lightly before turning back to Mike. “Alright, I’ll go with you today but _ only _ because we still haven’t gotten to spend time with Dustin this summer.”

Mike grinned and waited outside for Will to get dressed and wake up El so they could make their way to Dustin’s house. El sat on Mike’s bike and even though they hadn’t quite settled what was going on between them, Mike found some comfort in having her at his side again, even for the few minutes it took to ride over to Dustin. Once they arrived at Dustin’s place, El was quick to hop off the bike and excitedly rush to the door, equally eager to greet Dustin again. Mike and Will stood behind her, Mike himself trying his best not to glance over at Will from the corner of his eye. He knew he was totally in the wrong with how he went about dealing with the fear he felt toward whatever was happening concerning how much he cared about Will. He knew it would take a while for the apology to truly mean something given his previous behavior but Will standing next to him and smiling a little was progress. Good progress.

“El!” Dustin cheered when he opened the door and spotted the young girl. “Mike and Will, too? Are you three up to something?”

“Just seeing you,” Mike tagged on with a smile. “We never got the time to hang out since the Flayed popped up, so we wanted to see if you were down to hang out.”

“Absolutely,” Dustin motioned between Mike and El, “You two won’t pull some bullshit excuse of curfew to go scampering off into the woods, will you?”

El shook her head. “We’re here to spend time with _ you_.”

Dustin smiled softly. “I’m glad to hear it. I think we all need some time to resettle with each other after Starcourt anyway. I’m sorry about Hopper by the way.” He winced and then rubbed at the back of his head. “I’m sorry about how that all turned out to be honest. Not how I expected to spend the Fourth.”

“Yeah, well, at least we survived.” Will spoke up with a grim smile and Mike felt his stomach clench at the reminder that so many people died that night. “We shouldn’t let the rest of the summer waste away.”

Dustin agreed and quickly got on his bike, El riding with him up front as Mike and Will biked side-by-side to the Sinclair house. Lucas was long ready to get out the house and eagerly grabbed his own bike before they made it over to pick up Max. With the Party in full biking down the summer streets of Hawkins, Mike left alive in a way he hadn’t all summer, no matter how much he told himself he was. When he turned to his right and spotted Will laughing at his side, yelling something up ahead at Dustin, Mike’s heart clenched as he found it wont to do, but this time he didn’t admonish himself for feeling that way. Will said it’s okay, it’s okay to care this much, and yeah, maybe it was still a little weird and funny in a way, but it still felt _ right_. After all, who was Mike if he wasn’t caring this deeply about Will anyway? About all of the Party? They were his best friends; he protected them when he could and helped lead them into combat whether into a monster-infested cave along a campaign route or in real life against the monsters of the Upside Down.

It was okay to feel this way.

“Since we’re all gathered together here, I think I should tell you guys something important.” Will started as the group sat around a bench at the local park. Lucas, Max, Will, and El were squished together on the bench while Dustin and Mike laid on the grass looking up at the sky. At the urgency in Will’s voice, Mike sat up to give him his full attention. Will glanced over at Mike and then turned his gaze to his hands in his lap. “My mom was talking to me a bit last night and, well, apparently all this summer she’s been preparing to move out of Hawkins.”

In just a few simple words, Mike felt his entire world crack at the edges and splinter down the center. There had been far too many life-changing moments in Mike’s life throughout this summer and now Will was moving _ away_. “What?” Dustin screeched in lieu of everyone else’s flabbergasted responses. “Out of Hawkins? Where to?”

“Maine.”

Mike felt his vision blur but not with tears, just with disbelief and a slight disconnect with reality. Maine was over _ a thousand miles _ away from Indiana. There was no way possible he could easily visit the Byers if they were moving that far out. El bowed her head and bit her bottom lip before she turned to face Dustin and Mike on the ground. “I’m going with Will, Jonathan, and Joyce.”

Everyone turned to Mike at that and he really couldn’t handle all the attention on him thanks to the news Will and El had shared. His throat felt bloated but tight and he really wasn’t a cryer but he could feel something in his chest unfurling cry-inducing emotions into his soul. He felt a little loopy and wondered if the rest of the Party thought he looked as he felt: three seconds from completely falling apart. “That’s far away,” was all he could muster as his eyes flickered between Will and El’s eerily apologetic gazes. “When are you leaving?”

Will shrugged. “Whenever the house is sold. After Starcourt I don’t know who will want to move here, but there’s a good chance it could be by the end of the summer. That’s what Mom thinks at least.”

“Oh,” Lucas muttered before letting loose a deep sigh. “Wow, that’s kind of a kicker. Last summer in Hawkins, huh?”

El smiled softly. “We’ll make the most of it.” She leaned into Max and closed her eyes as the sun bathed her in it’s bright rays. “We won’t be gone forever. We can visit!”

“Yeah! We can all gather up some money and get one of our parents to drive us up there. Mrs. Wheeler probably since she wouldn’t want to separate her kids from their significant others.” Dustin nudged Mike, who scoffed and tried not to think about how Dustin’s words could apply to more than just El and oh, he really hoped no one else picked up on that.

“We’ll make it work.” Max concluded, “After everything we’ve been through, there’s no way distance is gonna keep us from being friends.”

“In the meantime though,” started Mike as he stood up and started dusting off his jeans, “let’s try to spend as much time together. School stats up at the start of September and you know we’re gonna have dumb summer reading assignments and shit to prep us for high school.”

“Oh god, Wheeler, why did you have to bring up school?” Lucas bemoaned and exaggeratedly put a hand to his chest as he slouched on the bench. “I don’t wanna think about high school; keep that cursed concept away from me.”

Dustin and Will fell out into giggles and Mike rolled his eyes as he walked around the bench to flick Lucas in the back of the head. Mike’s eyes danced over to Will, who watched him carefully before he looked away and stared down at his hands with a slight frown. Mike made his way over to Will and placed a hand on his shoulder with a firmness that startled Will. Will jumped slightly and looked up at Mike with shock and confusion. “I’ll make it up to you before you go,” Mike stated confidently before sending his friend a smile and waving for the others to get up and ride with him downtown to get some grub.

The rest of the day was mostly spent listening to Dustin continue explaining his days at Camp Knowhere, from the various science experiments he developed to the new friends he met and tried his best to describe to the Party. Will promised he would take some of Dustin’s goofy descriptions and put them to paper in drawings for the hell of it, and also for Dustin to keep since he didn’t have many photos on him from the camp anyway. Even though the news about the Byers moving hovered over the Party as a whole during the rest of the day and into the rest of the summer in full, every day they spent together was cherished more than the next because of it. Knowing that their last day together as six was coming around the corner made them tighter than ever; Mike even dropped his grudge against Max a little bit more, especially since he and El were still not...well, he didn’t know what they were really and he didn’t like putting in the mental effort to figure it all out anyway.

Two weeks after the news dropped, Mike had made a steady habit of sitting on the Byers porch steps with Will at his side as the boy sketched out the scenery before them for hours at a time. On this day, Mike nursed a frozen popsicle Ms. Byers had given him once she realized he was outside with Will again. He was sitting close enough to Will that their thighs were pressed together and he let himself enjoy the closeness as he never did before. A combination of Will’s approval and the fact that Will was going to be gone in a few weeks gave Mike the personal freedom to allow whatever he felt to blossom and develop into whatever it wanted. It meant he sometimes let his eyes linger on Will’s hands while he drew and it meant he sometimes leaned in a little more when they stood together during meetups with the Party. It meant he’d call Will up once he got home after a late night and spend a good couple hours on the radio with him talking about nonsense and letting himself feel joy at Will’s laughter and silly jokes. Will was still sore at him, still sensitive and always giving Mike second glances filled with caution but Mike didn’t mind. Eventually, the anger would simmer away and Will would understand that Mike truly was gonna make things up to him as he promised he would. This summer wouldn’t end with them not being close friends.

“Does this look right?” Will furrowed his brow and turned his sketchbook toward Mike. “I think the shadows are a little too dark in comparison to the dirt so it looks more cartoonish than I meant.”

Mike shrugged and traced the sharp curves of the shadows with a finger. “Cartoonish isn’t bad; I think it suits your art style.” He leaned back on his hands and turned out to face the forest Will had been sketching. “Your art should be reflective of how you see the world after all.”

“Hmm.” At his hum, Mike turned to face Will with raised eyebrows and blinked a couple times when the other boy was watching his face with a careful gaze.

“What’s up?” Will flipped his book open to a new page and turned away but Mike caught the blush on his cheeks. “Hey,” he nudged his friend, “what’re you doing?”

“I, uh,” he fidgeted with the edge of the paper and then let out in a single breath, “I want to draw a picture of you.”

Mike couldn’t help the grin on his face at that. “Oh, Will, of course you can! I’d be honored.” He made an exaggeratory pose and pursed his lips into a kiss and Will rolled his eyes while shoving him away. “Hey! I gotta look good if this is something you’re keeping in your special sketchbook.”

“Just be you, you dork,” Will scoffed but put down his notebook so he could take Mike’s face in his hands and position him properly. Mike’s face lit up like a torch and he squeaked out a small indiscernible noise as Will’s fingers pressed gently into his skin. “Keep your head like this and stop bugging your eyes out.” He pulled away with a shy smile and then returned to his notebook. “Keep your face calm, don’t talk, and try not to twitch. I just need you like this for a few minutes to make sure I align everything properly.”

Mike nodded silently, unable to speak even if Will hadn’t told him to stay quiet. His eyes flickered between Will’s hand penciling the basic frame of his face and Will’s bright green eyes whenever the boy looked up at him. They maintained eye contact for probably a moment longer than necessary every time and Will always quickly looked away mumbling under his breath and Mike constantly felt his face grow a little hotter as the minutes went by. He was quick to mentally blame his reddening cheeks on intense July heat because even attributing his blushing to Will looking at him was crossing boundaries he wasn’t sure he was allowed to cross.

“Alright,” Will announced after around three-quarters of an hour. Mike instantly relaxed and started massaging his jaw with a grumble. “Oh _ please_, you’re fine.”

“Not talking does a number to me,” teased Mike as he scooted back to stretch his arms. “Do I get to see what you’ve got now?”

“Uh,” Will turned back to his sketch and grew a little pink in the face. “I mean, sure? It’s not all that.”

“You drew it so it _ is _ all that.” Mike made grabby hands toward the papers in Will’s lap. “C’mon, let me see.”

Will rolled his eyes. “You’re so annoying, Mike; I hope you know that.” He passed along the sketch anyway but then turned away from Mike. “I’m sorry if it’s not up to par or whatever; I mean it’s not a photograph so it’s not perfect but I did what I could in the time I used.”

Mike raised an eyebrow, unamused by the attitude Will had about the sketch, but any words he was preparing himself to say were dashed away once he actually got a good look at what Will created. Mike usually hated seeing photographs of himself; he was tall and lanky and barely smiled as a forced smile looked uglier than a grimace on him. Any pictures his mom happened to snag made him look tragically unlike himself so he avoided it as much as possible. The sketch Will did was not a photograph at all and Mike loved it. He loved it because it was a drawing that encompassed how Will saw him, not how some light-sensitive chemically altered film managed to capture him in the click of a button. Will drew Mike with more pronounced freckles, with his hair curling more at the ends and laugh lines dancing around the corner of his lips. Will drew Mike with his eyes crinkled at the corners and his nose slightly scrunched as if preparing to laugh. Mike couldn’t remember scrunching his nose at all during the almost-hour Will had spent drawing, but then he remembered earlier in the day he had laughed when a moth had flown on top of Will’s pencil and he spent a good minute trying to shoo it away.

“Will,” Mike started as he looked up from the drawing, “Is this how you see me?”

Will turned to Mike with widened eyes and then he immediately snatched the drawing back. “I didn’t mean—I mean I do see you that way but not _ that _ way just...different.” He deflated and clutched his papers to his chest. “I’m sorry if it’s weird. What I focused on.”

“Like my eyes or my hair? I don’t care.” Mike shrugged. “In fact, I think it’s totally rad that you notice those things about me.”

Will gave him a sideways glance. “Yeah?”

Mike nodded and nudged his side. “Without a doubt. You’re amazing at details and don’t you forget it. You added those awesome flame designs to Will the Wise’s cape and the lion insignia to Dustin’s shield. Details is your game.” Mike stood up and dusted himself off before holding out a hand for Will. The brunette stared for a moment before accepting, their fingers twining as Mike pulled him up. Their touch lingered for just a moment longer, a moment enough for it to mean something, and Mike pulled away with a cough before turning back to the door. “I, uh, I’m gonna say hi to El and then make my way back home since it’s getting late.”

“Ah, okay. Yeah, you do that.”

Mike hesitated and then took the jump to pull Will into a hug. He cradled the smaller boy in his arms and let everything he wouldn’t allow himself to say spill into his next four words. “I’m gonna miss you.”

Will seemed to understand. “Me too.”

After that, there was a slight shift in how they interacted with each other. Mike couldn’t put a finger on it but he knew at least that Will wasn’t as mad at him anymore. Things weren’t what they used to be but he and Will were somehow closer despite the knowledge they would be separated by the time school started up. On the bright side, the weekend sleepovers came back once Mike and Will fully made up. Lucas had admitted to missing them toward the tail end of July so Mike got back to organizing the hangouts turning it from weekend only sleepovers to sleepovers every few nights. Max and El got to stay over too whenever the sleepovers were hosted at the Byers house. At the Sinclairs, El didn’t come over often as Erica was a bit testy near a stranger like El and Dustin’s mom only allowed the boys. Mike’s mom was open to the girls staying over but they didn’t manage to have a sleepover at the Wheeler’s house until the second week in August. Mike’s dad ended up especially enthusiastic that the girls were staying over as he made clear in the morning after the others had left that he had more proof of his son not being one of those homosexuals by having “sleepovers” with girls. The implications of that statement set off his mom and breakfast that day had been incredibly awkward and made Mike leave the house to spend the day with Will even though his dad’s words kept echoing in his mind.

“You okay, Mike?” Will hesitantly asked when Mike hadn’t flipped the comic book page in a few minutes.

Mike blinked out of his thoughts and nodded. “I’m fine. Just thinking a little too hard.”

“About what?” the other boy frowned and leaned in closer to Mike. “You know you can talk to me about anything.”

“Yeah, I know. It’s just my dad being stupid. I don’t want to bother you with that.”

Will shrugged and turned back to the comic with an ease Mike wished he could have at the moment. He hated how much his dad’s words stuck with him even though he was trying his best to allow whatever he felt pass through him naturally. That was the problem: it wasn’t _ natural_. It wasn’t natural or normal and even if it felt right, Mike knew in the back of his mind that if anyone ever found out, if his _ dad _ ever found out, bad things would happen. Mike wasn’t sure what bad things would occur but he certainly wouldn’t take disownment off the list.

After that night at the Wheelers, many of the sleepovers were spent between Lucas, Dustin, and Will’s houses, though once Joyce sold the house they started focusing more time in the day at the Byers and the sleepovers mostly focused at Dustin’s house. At night, Mike would radio Will and chat about the day and what plans he had for life out in Maine. Mike didn’t like to think about it but he knew he had to get his mind prepared for the truth of it. Will didn’t mind the questions anyway though his answers usually ended around the subject of how Mike, Dustin, and Lucas wouldn’t be there with him.

By the end of August and early September, the Party had to start preparing for school, which added a different form of tension between the six of them. Mike’s dad had started pressuring him to join a sports team and grow some muscles. “Be a real man,” he would point out at the dinner table, “Make your family proud.” His mom would scowl but Nancy seemed a little excited about Mike trying out sports, and Lucas and Dustin had shrugged and said it wouldn’t be too bad to try out.

“I mean, maybe you’ll actually finally beat someone at horseshoe tossing,” Dustin giggled while they were all surrounding the D&D board after finishing a campaign one night. “Imagine that: Mike Wheeler the athlete.”

“I would rather die than willingly do any physical activity outside of P.E. and even then,” Mike paused to gather his DM dice and store them in their case safely, “Even then, if I didn’t have to take P.E., I wouldn’t.”

Max perked from sitting on the couch with El. “It can’t be too bad. You don’t have to be good or anything.”

“Uh, no,” Mike adjusted some of the figurines with a chuckle. “My dad can say whatever he wants; I’ll find some other club to join at school. Spirit week should help with that.”

Lucas made a barfing sound. “You want to _ participate _ in spirit week? Like dress up and everything like that?”

“No, just get to know people. Can’t be that bad.” The DM made a sucking noise against his teeth. “It can’t just be us 4 in high school. I mean, the Party has to expand, right?”

“Says the guy who threw a fit when Max came to trick-or-treat with us.” Will pointed out with a shake of his head. Max guffawed from her perch next to El and Mike sent her a soft glare before turning back to Will. “I’m leaving so I don’t have much say but I won’t object to being able to meet some new people if you bring them in.”

“You have the most say of anyone, Will. I mean Lucas and Dustin did ask _ you _ about inviting Max anyway.” Mike folded the campaign map and placed it on the floor beside his other gear. “Distance doesn’t mean your vote doesn’t count anymore.”

“You plan to call me all the way in Maine just to ask me for permission to hang out with someone?”

Mike sent Will a grin and turned back to organizing his DM guides and tag a page in his adventure notebook. “Hell yeah. All or nothing, baby.”

Will put a hand to his forehead and exaggeratedly swooned. “Oh, Michael, how you hold my opinions so highly; it makes my heart flutter like a loon.”

Mike put both hands to his chest and squeezed his eyes shut. “Dearest William, how could I ever not hold your thoughts to the highest of standards? Every word you speak is worth the price of a bar of silver in 1850’s China.”

“Oh god, here they go again,” grumbled Lucas as he rolled his eyes and made his way to the couch to sit next to Max. “I take back my thoughts about you playing sports; you should join drama club or something.”

“Yeah, sure,” Mike broke character and huffed a short laugh, “My dad is going to be thrilled his only son is in _ drama _ club. Remember how he got pissy about us still having sleepovers? He’ll probably finally give a shit about something in my life to call the school and tell the theater director to pull me out.”

Will put a hand on Mike’s shoulder and sent him a soft smile. Mike’s heart flipped a little but the gentle touch and warm grin managed to settle his nerves. “Do whatever feels good, okay? You know you don’t have to force yourself into anything you don’t want to. It’s freshman year anyway.”

“Yeah, I know, I know,” Mike turned back toward his friends. “I just don’t want to let anyone down.”

“You won’t.” Dustin affirmed as he placed a hand on Mike’s unoccupied shoulder. “As long as the Party sticks together, there’s no one _ to _ let down. We’ll be fine.”

The Party dispersed soon after the conversation came to a stand stall, and Mike and Will stood chatting outside the garage for a few minutes longer as they usually did. Mike leaned against the garage doorway and nodded as Will talked on, something of a rarity unless he was with the Party or Mike in particular. There was a comfort in the fact that Will felt comfortable enough to talk openly when he was with Mike; even when he was angry he still opened up to Mike and that was something he had to promise to himself to never take advantage of again. It wasn’t wrong to care and it wasn’t wrong to feel this way because Will did too and that was all that mattered at the end of the day.

“Hey, Mike,” Will started hesitantly, which brought Mike’s attention back from his circling thoughts. He froze when Will slowly stepped forward and reached up a hand to wipe something from his cheek with his thumb. Mike’s eyes stayed trained on Will’s as his throat bobbed with a swallowed breath. Will’s own gaze was far too enchanting and Mike’s heart was running laps in his chest. “You had...you had something on your face.”

“Yeah,” whispered Mike though he wasn’t sure if his single word was anything more than a labored breath. Will’s hand was a hair’s width away from cradling the side of his face and a large part of Mike _ wanted _ the pressure of Will’s palm against his cheek. He wanted that touch like nothing else so he leaned into it, closing his eyes so he didn’t have to see Will’s face in case he pulled back from it like a hand to fire.

Instead, Will’s fingers spread across Mike’s face, his thumb still carefully brushing against his freckled cheek. A smile draped upon Mike’s lips and he opened one eye to get a look at Will, whose cheeks were a little rosy as he watched his hand against Mike’s face. The moment didn’t last forever though Mike rather wished it did. He didn’t mind straddling this unknown line with Will, playing with the boundaries of what their reestablished friendship maintained. He didn’t mind it as long as no one else saw it and especially not his _ dad _ of all people.

“Michael!”

Mike pulled away from Will so fast he stumbled and heaved out a deep breath as he tried to catch his balance on his feet. Will paled dramatically and started stuttering before he grabbed his bike and rushed out the driveway back toward his house. Mike watched him leave with unspoken words on his tongue before he turned on his dad with pent up anger. “What the _ hell _ do you want?”

His dad’s eyes narrowed dangerously from behind his glasses. “Why did you allow that Byers boy touch you like _ that _?”

“Like what?” Mike spat back. “He didn’t do anything I didn’t want.”

“You _ wanted _ it?”

“Yeah, I did, and what are you gonna do about it?” Mike’s stomach clenched as he watched his dad’s face contort into disgust. “He’s my _ friend_, dad. Am I not allowed to have friends anymore?”

“He looks like more than a friend.” The pure revulsion and horror in his dad’s voice sent chills down Mike’s spine and he unconsciously took a step back from the sharp glare. Mike and Will were friends; it was nothing more than that and his dad was reading into things completely wrong. “It’s a good thing that Byers boy is moving away. I don’t want you hanging out with people like him anymore in case he turns you into one of _ them_.”

“One of them?”

“One of the homosexuals.” Mike opened his mouth to retort but his dad was already turning his back to him. “I won’t allow you to be further influenced by his disease-ridden ways; you need to grow up into a man not a faggot.”

Mike’s throat tightened up and his next words were a rickety croak. “It’s not—I’m _ not _ like that. He just...he only wiped something from my face; it was completely innocent!” Mike couldn’t even tell why he cared about what his dad was saying but all he could hear in his dad’s words were his rants recapitulating homophobic “scientific” pamphlets.

All he could hear was his dad grouping him with the people his dad _ hated _ , the people he ranted about every morning and truly believed deserved to die thanks to AIDS. His dad saw the crisis as the rightful extermination of homosexuals. Mike’s own dad now saw him as worthy to die and that...that truth _ seared _ Mike’s heart until his chest burned with the pain of held back tears that he knew he couldn’t spill without making his father believe even more that Mike was one of them. If his dad thought that, then his mom...if he told her she would be _ devastated_. Sure, she protested when his dad went off the deep end but if she found out her own son was suspected to be one of those people? No, she couldn’t know; she couldn’t even _ begin _ to suspect.

“Wait!” Mike cried out as he found strength in his legs and caught up to his dad at the front door step. “Wait, Dad; please, don’t tell Mom. I’m not...I’m not like that, I _ promise_. I can prove it to you, anything, just don’t...don’t make her hate me like you do.”

Mike’s dad paused at the door and turned to Mike with a frown. “I don’t hate you, Mike. I’m disappointed that you’ve fallen out of grace.” Mike winced as black twisted between the knobs of his spine and paralyzed him on the doorsteps. “I don’t believe you are a...homosexual,” he said the word with distaste twined between each syllable, “but your mother has been pampering you too much. You need to learn what it means to be a man, Michael. You need to gain strength once and for all.” Mike balked and crossed his arms as his dad turned to face him fully. “You _ will _ join an athletics team when school starts up next week.”

“I said no already; you can’t change my mind.”

“But your mom’s opinion of you can sway you, yes?”

Mike felt queasy and suddenly lightheaded. He tried his best to glare at his dad but he couldn’t get his eyes to focus as everything went a little blurry from the outside in. “You fucking _ bastard_.”

“I won’t let you become a lesser man, son.” Mike’s dad twisted the knob on the door. “I suggest you decide on your sport of choice.”

Mike stood on the doorstep and watched his dad disappear into the darkness in the unlit living room, hands shaking in balled fists at his side as the conversation replayed through his mind. He couldn’t tell Will about this; no, not when he was bound to leave so soon. Will would think it was his fault and it wasn’t. It _ never _ could be his fault. Still, Mike felt the urge to talk this out with someone, to let someone be his listening hear because this entire night took a turn for the worst and Mike knew he couldn’t handle it on his own. He could already feel the stinging pressure tears brought against the back of his eyes and he clenched his jaw tightly to keep them back for as long as he could.

Lucas was just a few houses down so Mike went sprinting over, gasping for breath as he felt the tears starting to drip down his face. He roughly wiped them away with a growl and mentally refused to let himself to be weak enough to cry about what just happened. It would only prove his dad right if he dared and he couldn’t afford that. Lucas’ bedroom window was on the side so Mike quietly stepped toward it and threw a few rocks until the other boy opened the window with a glare. Mike motioned to the front door and something about the way he did so made Lucas stiffen before quickly making his way downstairs to let Mike in.

“You look like you’re about to die, Mike,” he whispered as he rushed Mike upstairs to his room. “Stay quiet or you’ll wake up my dad and he’ll lose his mind seeing I snuck you in.”

“Yeah, sure, I can do quiet.” Mike chuckled and wiped at his nose, silent until Lucas closed his bedroom door and motioned for Mike to speak. “It’s just...me and my dad got into an argument. A really bad one.”

“Don’t you usually just call us up on the walkie for a group chat?” Lucas leaned against his door and crossed his arms. “I don’t understand why you’re here. I mean, I don’t mind at all, that’s what friends are for, but, uh, it wasn’t the usual argument, was it?”

Mike started pacing and he fumbled with his fingers as his talked. “Will and I spent a little extra time talking after you all left and my dad saw and started assuming wrong things about me and Will, especially Will. He told me he was gonna tell my mom and maybe she wouldn’t care, I don’t know, but I keep disappointing her and everyone else and I can’t let her even begin to think I’m...I’m like _ that_.”

“Like what?”

“_That_.” Mike couldn’t say it; he already felt a little sick thinking about it anyway. “Look, it doesn’t matter; he threatened me and I couldn’t say no and now I have to join a stupid sports team or he’ll probably disown me and leave me on the streets because he’s such a fucking bastard and I think I’m _ freaking out_.”

“Calm down, Mike,” Lucas bolted from the door to put his hands on Mike’s shoulders and squeeze him lightly. Mike felt dizzy in the head and he couldn’t breath straight. He tried to tell Lucas to let him go but it came out as more of a weak wheeze against the harsh breaths his body kept trying to take in. “Mike, listen to me. Breathe with me, alright?”

“I’m trying, I’m trying, I’m _ trying_,” he replied angrily, pulling away from Lucas as he took his hands to his head and squeezed his eyes shut. Here Mike went again, after so long without nightmares or darkness eating at his soul, he was again having trouble balancing his reaction and maintaining control of his body. Lucas tried to reach out again but Mike flinched at the touch and opened his eyes to send his friend a glare. “I got it, Lucas. I’m fine.”

“You’re really not, Mike, but okay.” Lucas raised his hands in surrender before frowning. “Maybe you should sleep this off and talk with you dad again tomorrow. He’ll probably change his mind after some rest.”

“No, he won’t. He saw...he saw Will put a hand on my face, which is normal; I mean, you do that with me all the time.”

“Not really anymore but I’ll say you and Will being touchy isn’t abnormal.” Lucas opened his mouth to say something and then shut it closed. Mike wondered what he was about to say but figured he could live without knowing at the moment. “Yeah, just go home and sleep, okay? I’ll have my walkie on all night if you need to call but I’d rather you not call because that means you’re asleep and you need that.”

Mike nodded and snuck back outside into the night with a shiver crawling down his back. As he made his way back down the road toward the Wheeler residence, he took a moment to stand in the street and look up at the stars, tracing constellations with his eyes and naming the few he recognized. It helped distract his mind enough to feel a bit calmer by the time he arrived back home but he couldn’t ignore the looming shadow that followed him and wrapped around his heart until it hurt to breathe. His vision was a bit spotty as he stood on the doorstep and he put a hand to his chest with confusion but the moment eerily passed despite leaving sticky sludge against his breaths as he took himself upstairs to his room.

Sleep was rough that night. Between reliving the battle of Starcourt and imagining his dad telling his mom that he and Will were getting “too close” and they needed to step in and send him somewhere to be a better man, Mike caught glimpses of a writhing darkness pulling the strings of his thoughts as a puppeteer would a puppet. He watched until the slithering shadows bored into his skin through the pores of his body and leeched every drop of joy from his being. He screamed soundlessly into the night and let the pain consume him until he woke up kicking his blankets and gasping for air he couldn’t catch. It was bright in his room so at least Mike had slept for a while, even if he rather wished he had woken up before the pain started. He rubbed at his arms which were littered with goosebumps and sighed heavily to himself.

The Party got together as they usually did, this time at the Byers house to help with some preliminary packing as Ms. Byers had gotten a call that the house was sold and they were indeed moving next month. Mike found the distraction welcoming and even though Lucas kept giving him glances throughout the day, he was able to forget about a lot of the conversation from last night and focus on having a good time with his friends. Will was a soothing presence as always and even though part of Mike returned to berating himself for caring this much, he ignored that too and returned every smile because Will didn’t need to worry about that night and what his dad said. Will didn’t need to worry about it because nothing was happening anyway and...and that was okay. Mike could live with that for now, whatever that meant.

But on the very first day of school, Mike was pulled aside by the new athletics department head (the previous one was apparently killed in the “Starcourt Fire”) with a note that his dad had called ahead and professed that Mike was interested in joining a team. The talk forced him to remember all that had conspired a week before and he nearly threw up then and there as he remember the thinly veiled threat. “My dad is wrong; I’m not interested,” Mike replied angrily, attempting to step aside only for the teacher to stop him in his tracks.

“He’s worried about you, Wheeler, and I can’t blame him.” The teacher crossed his arms and narrowed his beady eyes dangerously. “You’re already scheduled for 0-period track and field. Your height is in your favor but I recommend you spend some time shaping up for relay tryouts.” He motioned to Mike’s figure and snorted. “A lot of time by the looks of things.”

Mike furrowed his brow. “I’m not going; I’ll talk to my homeroom teacher and get my schedule fixed, I don’t care, but I’m _ not _ doing fucking track.”

“Watch your language, mister. This is an adult you’re talking to.” Mike rolled his eyes but tightened his grip on his backpack shoulder straps. “Now you listen here because I’m only going to tell you this once and only once.” The teacher stepped closer and Mike felt a tad bit paralyzed by the closing distance. Something in the air started to smell like burning soot and flesh and his bare arms buzzed with rising goosebumps. “You need to train yourself, Michael Wheeler. You don’t know what’s coming and you need to be prepared.”

“Who the fuck are you?” Mike spat back as he took a step behind him. “Why are you so concerned with what I do?”

“Because if you don’t, more people will die and it will be all your fault again.”

Mike blinked and then turned on his heel to sprint down the hall until he reached a bathroom and proceeded to retch until he was heaving into the toilet and shaking on his hands and knees. Who else knew? Who else actually knew the truth of what happened at Starcourt? How did that guy even know what happened? How could he blame Mike as he did? A knock on his stall door brought Mike to his feet and he flushed before opening and coming face to face with Dustin.

“Hey man, I saw you running down the hall so I came to check in on you. Are you okay?”

“Just had a bad breakfast.” Mike shoved past his friend and rinsed his mouth out with the disgusting sink water. He spit it out with a grimace and then watched himself in the mirror. There were bags under his eyes and his lips were turned down in an eternal frown. His hair was a half curled mess on his head and long story short, he looked like an entire mess. “First day of high school jitters I guess.”

Dustin didn’t believe him, Mike wasn’t the best at lying anyway, but he didn’t ask any further questions as they made it to homeroom together. The day was as any first day of school went but Mike couldn’t get the athletic head’s words out his head even while the Party held an after school hang with Will and El to discuss how their days went. He especially couldn’t forget when his dad announced at the dinner table that Mike was trying out for the track team and Nancy got super excited about supporting Mike at races if he made the cut. Mike nodded but stabbed at his peas a little harder as he felt even worse about dropping out now that his dad made a big fuss out of it. Usually he wouldn’t care—who was Mike Wheeler to care about what some random stranger, his dad included at this rate, wanted him to do with his time?—but he couldn’t stop connecting the ominous words about what happened this past summer and the dark shadows that kept following him around in his mind.

So the next day Mike got up earlier than usual, ignored his dad simultaneously preparing for his day at work, and made it to the track field with the shittiest attitude he could muster. He found himself benched for the entire training session, which worked in his favor, but the Party was confused as to where he was when they went to his house to bike to school together. “I’m being recruited for some dumb shit so I had to entertain the teacher.” Mike waved a hand in an attempt to stall any questions. “I’m sure it’ll pass in a few days, don’t worry about.”

But by the time the Byers officially moved away, Mike was still dragging his ass over to the track field for 7 am practice. He mostly sat on the bench, which allowed him the time to draft out some new campaigns in his adventure notebook for when Will would come back and visit, but he couldn’t get himself to get up and leave when guilt accumulated on his shoulders and weighed him down on the bench until the class period ended. None of the Party members even knew what Mike was doing exactly; he kept things vague enough in hopes that Will wouldn’t find out, not yet at least. Will would ask why given Mike’s deep abhorrence of physical activity and Mike couldn’t lie to him so then he’d know about what Mike’s dad said and what the creepy new athletics department head implied and Will absolutely did _ not _ need that information right before leaving to start his new life in Maine.

So Mike helped packed boxes on moving day in moderate silence until Will placed his D&D guides and manuals in the donation box and confused Mike. “Whoa, dude,” he started with a frown, “that’s the donation box.”

“Yeah, I know.” Will was far too nonchalant for Mike’s comfort. “I’ll just use yours when I come back. I mean, if we still wanna play.”

“Yeah, but,” Mike huffed before looking down at the donation box again and hit with further evidence again that Will was _ leaving _ him and leaving whatever had happened between them since Starcourt, “what if you want to join another party?”

Will smiled softly as he shook his head and it was as if all of Mike’s worries left him in a single glance. “Not possible.”

As his cheeks heated with blush and an uncontrollable smile that he tried to control (and failed at controlling) took hold of his lips, Mike knew that something was different indeed. Maybe his dad was right; they weren’t just friends but was there really something wrong with that? Mike didn't know what they were but Will said it’s okay to care and Mike felt better when he let himself care as much as he wanted, so why was it so _ wrong_? Why didn’t he spend the rest of summer trying to get El back and act so awkward when they talked one-on-one for the first time in weeks? Why did he lie and say he couldn’t remember when he said he loved her? Why couldn’t he kiss her back even though his relationship with her helped him for most of the year anyway?

When he watched the Byers car drive away before he biked back to his house with pain in his chest and a sudden inability to form words, he knew the answer to all those questions and he knew that he couldn’t let anyone else ever know. Because at the end of the day, when _you said yes_ reverberated with every sloppy bike pedal and_ I guess I_ _did_ pounded through his head with every step of his lap around the field, Mike could no longer deny that the affection he had for Will was the same as what he thought he had for El. It was something far deeper than friendship and leaned more toward romance than anything else.

Point blank: Mike Wheeler was probably just a tiny bit in love with Will Byers and by just a tiny bit, he meant _ a lot_.

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr: clericbyers


End file.
